Yes, I haven’t posted on this blog for a while (remember The Warriors?). Yes, lists are an overdone trick on the internet these days, what with your cracked and buzzfeeds and a whole bunch of other shit that I barely pass my radar. Seeing as it is nearing Halloween however, and the Thunderblog has a particular affinity with all things macabre and supernatural, I wanted to do something to assure people that I am in fact not dead, just so busy that I never have time to watch films. So here’s a not-quite-top 10 list of spine-chilling cinema that just might serve to make your scariest night of the year: There’s some of my favorites here, some classics, all them hopefully frightening to the core. Or at least interesting to watch.
King Thunderbird’s Long Dark Hellride of the Soul: 2013 Edition
Boo
10. The Trial (1962) - Orson Welles
Starting off on a strange note here, which is not necessarily a bad thing mind you, as this film might generally be called more a thriller than a legitimate horror film. Originally a novel by legendary author and vermin enthusiast Franz Kafka, legendary filmmaker and pie enthusiast Orson Welles tells the tale of a fine up-and-coming white collar worker who is charged with a crime he has no knowledge of and the downward spiral his life goes through as he attempts to navigate through the labyrinthine, inscrutable world of the legal system. Welles takes Kafka’s inability to cope with the lumbering monster that is governmental bureaucracy and transforms into a soul-numbing, Orwellian dystopia of a world, and his use of the film-noir style (perhaps it’s just expressionistic) infuses the world with a claustrophobic sense of disorientation. No monster required, this movie will make you afraid to get a parking ticket.
Fear: Fate, and Orson Welles boning his maid
9. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) - The Chiodo Brothers
A ‘classic’ of 80s campy horror flicks and featuring music by jokey punk band The Dickies (not the Dicks, to be clear), KKfOS is the only film by The Chiodo Brothers (but where would go from here anyway). Horrifying looking alien klowns have landed in smalltown USA, hungry for human flesh, and its up to our stalwart teen protagonist to save the townsfolk from hilarious doom. Pretty inventive special effects, not only for the klown’s makeup but the inventive clown-based powers they exhibit, from vicious balloon animals to cotton candy cocoons, not the standard gorehound affair but cool to see. Plus it’s about clowns, probably the most frightening thing in the world. Not person. Thing.
Fear: Clowns, Aliens, 50’s Movie cliches
8. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1978) - Tobe Hooper
A pioneer in the ‘slasher’ film genre, for better or worse depending on your views, and one of the biggest horror franchises of modern times. The standard small group of people are stranded in bumfuck nowhere (so Texas), and are brutally murdered by some horrifying weirdos, chief among them the chainsaw wielding Leatherface. Although you can feel the film’s limited budget at times, and none of the main characters are endearing enough that you ever care about, the film is still one of the scariest fucking things I’ve ever watched alone. Every single shot in the latter half of the film seems exactly the kind of experience I would describe during a bad mushroom trip, especially the couch made out of human bones, and of course the iconic soundtrack only adds to the horrific ambiance. Much like The Trial, a lot of the fear that comes through this film is the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that hangs upon the protagonists in this dire situation. And the cannibal psychopaths, those are pretty scary too.
Fear: Texas, Cannibals, Leather goods
7. Puppet Master (1989) - David Schmoeller
It seems that most franchises, and the horror genre in particular, start off with a damn good movie with each subsequent entry declining in quality. Which makes sense, because why would you make another movie in a series if the first one didn’t do so good? Puppet Master bucks that trend entirely by starting off with a hokey film, and somehow getting progressively stupider from there. Despite that campiness, this movie frightened the hell out of me as a kid, when I happened to catch a glimpse of it when I should have been sleeping. There’s some sort of plot about Nazis and psychic investigators, but the main draw of the film are the murderous gang of puppets, each with their own unique look and abilities (like creepy midget X-men, total kid bait). Not much gore (although the stuff that’s there can get pretty gruesome) but the puppets move about well, to the point where you can get a sense of their personalities. So that’s cool. Check it out...IF YOU DARE!
FEAR: Puppets, Leeches, Nazi magic I guess?
6. Re-Animator (1985) - Stuart Gordon
A bloody adaptation of a H.P. Lovecraft short story, “Herbert West-Re-Animator”, set in the slick modern days of the 1980s. Herbert West is sociopath with a bit of a Frankenstein complex, who has maneuvered his way into the medical division Miskatonic University after experimenting on his previous professor. Herbert isn’t interested in stitches and lightning though, he’s got a magical serum that can grant life to any formerly living thing he applies it to, which turns out about as well as you might expect. Jeffrey Combs plays West, and he does a fantastic job it too, really giving a sense of unbalanced intensity to the role. The special effects are also admirably horrific as well, which is big part of what could be construed as a zombie movie, although there’s a lot more going on here than the standard zombie stuff. There’s even a bit of black humour interspersed throughout, which you probably wouldn’t expect, but it’s not unappreciated. Definitely what might be considered a ‘hidden gem’.
FEAR: Zombies, Death, Mutilation
5. Cabin in the Woods (2012) - Drew Goddard
I’m not sure how I feel about the works of Joss Whedon, but I know that almost everyone else I know is obsessed with anything he stamps his name on. Whether it’s The Avengers (which grossed like eleventy billion dollars), Firefly (the series so good it had to be cancelled, fans say), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the vampire-based high school drama that somehow didn’t have any nudity at all) or his myriad of other projects that are all supposed to be fantastic in their own special way. I’m on the fence. But I did happen to really enjoy this movie, the most recent one on the list, because as a concept it’s pretty damn interesting. In Cabin in the Woods, the horror movie cliches are actually a major plot point, rather than the dying gasp of an industry that’s run out of ideas. It’s the most ‘meta’ out of all the films on this list, which might make me biased since I love a good metafiction, but that doesn’t stop it from being an effective tool for fright when it needs to be. Plus there’s a whole bunch of violent deaths, which is really what we all want, right?
FEAR: Literally everything from all the scary movies ever
4. Carrie (1976) - Brian De Palma
The only entry on this list based on a work by Stephen King, and surprisingly not a demon possessed car to be found. Sure, there’s a new Carrie movie being kicked around somewhere, but for my money the creepiest version is going to be the original, directed by Mr. Scarface himself Brian De Palma. Sissy Spacek is the titular Carrie, a shy and misunderstood girl who goes to that one high school in every movie that’s populated by nothing but sociopathic bitches. When she gets home from being tortured at school, she’s tortured by her Jesus-freak mother, in a case where the term ‘Jesus-freak’ is based totally in fact and is actually appropriate the situation at hand. What’s a mentally unstable girl to do when she’s being tormented but develop dangerous psychokinetic powers? Perhaps this movie hits a bit close to home in post-Columbine/every other school shooting America, but De Palma builds that climax up like a goddamn pro, until you’re just counting down the seconds before Carrie finally just goes apeshit on everybody. Also John Travolta is in this movie, for some reason.
FEAR: Weird kids (this doesn’t seem right), Menstruation (even more not right), Pigs
3. The Omen (1976) - Richard Donner
Perhaps more known for the string of deaths connected to it rather than the content of the film itself, The Omen is a damn good horror film straight out of the Queen’s England. Gregory Peck, in his final film appearance, is an ambassador who (along with his then childless wife) decides to adopt a kid of their own. As it turns out, the kid might just be the Antichrist, and when he matures he’s kinda going to be the harbinger of the end of days. There’s no real monsters here, no excessive gore, just a kid who gives the evil eye and fucks people up with his Satan powers (just like they all do). This movie banks a lot of his fear in building up suspense, more a horror film of reactions than actions if you can understand my meaning, which I will admit tends to give an overall feeling of not much actually happening. Rather like an old-school horror movie, so if you’re a fan of those this might be right up your alley. Those interested in building up their horror/cult film repertoire should check it out too. It’s the only film that I know of where you see The Doctor get horribly murdered, so that’s a plus.
FEAR: Kids, The Devil, British people
2. Eraserhead (1977) - David Lynch
A film that launched the career of one of the weirdest directors in the business and one of the most successful independent films ever made, Eraserhead is some sort of odd mishmash of surrealism and German expressionism that somehow coalesces into a fascinating film. The plot, as it is, tells us about a man named Henry who accidentally impregnated a girl, and now has to take care of their illegitimate child. Their illegitimate child who looks like the most grotesquely bizarre avian human fetus that you’ll ever see in your life. Then there’s the stuff with the Lady in the Radiator, pencils, bleeding chickens, giant sperm, and a whole bunch of other stuff that makes about as much sense in context as it does outside of it. Even if there isn’t much by way of outright scares, every single moment exudes an incredibly unsettling atmosphere, that eventually it becomes emotionally exhausting. As I mentioned in some previous entries, a lot of what makes a horror movie ‘horror’ is atmosphere - building up a world that bypasses the watcher’s natural feelings of safety. Lynch is perhaps a master at creating an atmosphere through his films, partly through visuals and largely through his use of sound and music, and much of what I think makes this a scary (and effective) film is the soundtrack. If you’re planning on a weird Halloween, it might be good to have this waiting on the old TV. Really get that party started right.
FEAR: Parenting, Relationships, Freak babies
1. The Thing (1982) - John Carpenter
Tangentially based on the sci-fi classic The Thing from Another World, as well as the John Campbell novella “Who Goes There?”, The Thing is just one of several kick-ass movies in John Carpenter filmography (see also: Halloween, They Live, Escape From New York, Big Trouble in Little China). Kurt Russell, Keith David, Wilford Brimley and a couple of other folks are researchers on a remote outpost in the Arctic, probably the most remote you can possibly be. After killing a Norwegian who trying to kill a dog (the bastard), the team discover the ruined remains of the Norwegian base, and a goddamn space-ship on top of that. But if there’s a space-ship, where’s the alien? Groundbreaking special effects, great minimalist soundtrack, great acting, The Thing not only holds up as a horror film, it’s also one of my favorite movies ever. Once again, a film that makes use of tortuously long suspense (which in this case is maybe the crux of the film), but it pays off in a spectacular way. How basic a fear can you get than other people? That we can’t know what people are thinking? Fantastic. If this were a true ranked list, there’s no way it couldn’t be number one. It’s that damn good.
FEAR: Humans, Dogs, Parasites
So there you go, some frightfully good films to keep you busy on the 31st or whenever you like spooky stuff (Labor Day?). If there’s a couple of films on this list you’ve already seen, maybe all of them, I’ve done a couple of entries on some good/bad ones you can check out. Although if you’re this far, you should already have read the entries and watched those films…. Anyway, here are some extra honorable mentions:
- Vampyr (1932)
- The Golem (1915)
- The Invisible Man (1933)
- The Blob (1958)
- Zombie (1979)
- An American Werewolf in London (1981)
- Candyman (1992)
- Rabid Grannies (1988)
