The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: Cujo (1983), directed by Lewis Teague

 

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune - "Get At Me Dog", by DMX 

 

 

We haven’t gotten our dose of Stephen King yet this year and not many days left to get it in, so let’s do it today. Plenty of good King adaptations left I could cover, like,The Green Mile or The Shawshank Redemption, or shitty ones like Sleepwalkers or Lawnmower Man, but my writing energy has been running lower and lower the last couple days so let’s just do an average one instead.

In Cujo, Dee Wallace stars as Donna Trenton, a homemaker and unfaithful housewife who lives with her husband Vic (Daniel Hugh-Kelly) and son Tad (Danny Pintauro) in what is probably Maine seeing as it is a Stephen King story. Things are going fine, all the affairs and cereal-based controversies that we all face in our daily lives, but unfortunately the Trenton family has some car trouble. Also unfortunately, they went to a farm in the middle of nowhere to get it fixed. And most unfortunately of all, the mechanic’s family dog, Cujo, got bit by a couple of bats the other day and now is looking a little shaky. Someone’s looking for a bite to eat, and it’s not anybody walking on two legs.

The strength and weakness of Cujo then is in its premise itself. People do get attacked by rabid animals sometimes, so a movie about being menaced by a rabid animal seems simple enough to base a movie around. However people, at least a decent amount of them, also love dogs and so don’t like to see dogs suffer or get hurt, especially in movies where the audience watches helplessly as things play out in front of them. So the makers of Cujo are stuck between a rock and a hard place in that regard, stuck with a movie that a portion of the potential audience would avoid on principle. If it was just a dog killing people? Sure, that’s fine. A sick dog killing people? That’s a step over the line.

That being said, only the last half of Cujo is really about dealing with Cujo. Most of Cujo is actually spent on family drama, waiting for Cujo to flip the switch. Which makes sense, easy to get suspense out of a mother and kid being in danger. So maybe it’d be like being eased into it, or maybe you’d hate it even more because you’d be seeing a dog slip into feral insanity. Either way you’re getting the family drama, which kind of feels like trying to find excuses not to deal with the whole ‘rabid dog’ thing. Tad is a bit too high-pitched for my tastes, and I think both we as the audience and Donna Trenton are kind of sick of him at a certain point.

Personally? I like dogs, so seeing the blood stain where a dog used his skull to cave in a car door is a bit distasteful. By that same token, there is a panic and  terror that comes in those scenes with Cujo that are accomplished quite well. So it’s in a bit of a gray area, but I’ll give it the thumbs up. Dog fans beware, but if you like moms in distress this movie definitely delivers.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: My Bloody Valentine (1981), directed by George Mihalka

 

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune - "Only Shallow", by My Bloody Valentine 

There’s horror movies set on Christmas, horror movies set on Thanksgiving, there’s even some weirdos out there who make horror movies set on Halloween, but what about Valentine’s Day? Well I actually don’t know if this movie is set on Valentine’s Day, it just has Valentine in the title. Either way I’m watching it.

In My Bloody Valentine, Paul Kelman stars as T.J. Henniger, a young man living and working in a small mining town in deepest, darkest Canada known as Valentine’s Bluffs. Not much to do in a small mining town besides mining, so he and the rest of the swinging population are looking forward to the upcoming Valentine’s Day dance. Very excited, since there hasn’t been one for about 20 years. Something about a psychopathic miner who specifically kills people who hold Valentine’s Day parties so the town banned it, whatever. Sometimes you just need to get laid dude, I don’t know what to tell you.

It’s a slasher with the sweet maple flavor of Canada, jean jackets and all. The killer is fairly unique, with the dark suit and gas mask, killing folks with a pickaxe, but in all respects it’s a slasher. You’ve seen slasher movies presumably, you know the kind of stuff you’re going to see, and that’s what My Bloody Valentine delivers. It also gives you someone getting killed by having their face shoved in boiling hot dog water though, so there’s still a bit of innovation there if you’re worried about that.

Give My Bloody Valentine the thumbs up. You need a movie that has people getting killed that also speaks to your deep, irrational fear of being trapped underground, this movie will scratch the itch. Maybe next year I’ll write three paragraphs about the remake.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: Battle Creek Brawl (1980), directed by Robert Clouse

 

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune - "Battle Creek Brawl (Apocalypse Bass)", by GUNSHOT 

Another day, another film. This time I’m feeling like some martial arts action, maybe by one of the most famous martial artists in film history. Let’s see if there’s anything like that around here…

In Battle Creek Brawl (or The Big Brawl as it’s also known), Jackie Chan stars as Jerry Kwan, a young man living with his restaurant owner father in Chicago in the not-quite-roaring 30’s. Jerry is just trying to make in this crazy world, but the local mob ain’t making it easy on him or anyone. Looks like he’s going to have to use his masterful skill with the martial arts to figure something out, which may come in handy considering there’s a big fight coming up in Battle Creek.

This is famously Chan’s first attempt at breaking into the American market after achieving success in Hong Kong’s film, emphasizing the incredible acrobatics and knack for physical comedy which were his main strengths at the time. I have to wonder what audiences at the time made of Jackie Chan; The last kung fu star to make it big in the States would have been the late Bruce Lee, right? A more serious, simple performer compared to the light-hearted Chan and his more elaborate, less realistic choreography. I guess audiences weren’t ready for it, since it took another five years for him to headline another American film, but I don’t think the film failed to showcase Chan’s talents. I think Americans might just have a lower tolerance for period pieces.

And you know what? It can also be fairly funny to boot, even outside of Chan’s spots. Plus where else are you going to seethe voice of Uncle Iroh from Avatar get it on with a lady twice his size? That’s a thumbs up from me folks.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: Village of the Damned (1960), directed by Wolf Rilla

 

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune - "Bette Davis Eyes", by Kim Carnes 

 

 

Way back in the year of 2018 I actually covered the remake of this film, directed by genre film maester John Carpenter. It was…okay, as far as I remember. Cool to see Christopher Reeve in a non-Superman role, and even though Carpenter wasn’t considered at the top of his game by ‘94, he still had some gas in the tank. Thing is, I had never watched the original film before then, I had watched it simply because of Carpenter’s name. So I probably rectify that, especially I had no other films set up for today.

Based on the novel ‘The Midwich Cuckoos’ by John Wyndham (who was the pen behind The Day of the Triffids as well), Village of the Damned stars George Sanders as Gordon Zellaby, a citizen of the town of Midwich in the United Kingdom. One day, everything in the town suddenly falls unconscious. Man, woman, animal, everything which steps foot into the territory of the town. The military cordons off the area, runs tests, but they can find out nothing. Then, as suddenly as it happened, everyone wakes up. Just like that, no worse for wear.

Several months later, Midwich sees an influx of childbirths, all beginning from that strange day. What happened that day? And what, if anything, is up with these strange, strange children. Probably nothing, right?

It’s a classic kind of science fiction. Strange thing happens, and humans have to deal with it. Except there’s no monster to stop, as we see in The Blob or similar creature features. No agency on the part of human to explain or affect these children or their goals. They just have to wait and let things play out, and maybe learn something about themselves in the process.

You ever watch any of the classic sci-fi anthology shows? Twilight Zone, Night Gallery, Outer Limits? If you’re familiar with those shows, then this is going to be right up your alley. Thumbs up.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED 

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: The Human Factor (1975), directed by Edward Dmytryk

 

The Trailer

and 

The Appropriate Tune - "Terroristi!", by Ennio Morricone

 

 

In this world of corporations trying to erode the very fabric of art and expression through gallons of A.I. slop, what’s the important thing to keep in mind? That’s right, humanity. The human factor, and during a mad scroll through my streaming services I found one that’s all about that. It’s even in the title!

In The Human Factor, George Kennedy (The Naked Gun) stars as John Kinsdale, a computer engineer working for an electronic company in Naples.Things are going great, birthdays are coming up, patios coming in, until Kinsdale returns homes to find his family has been murdered. Wife, children, all of them dead. Why? For what reason was this horrific crime committed? Well John is going to find out, and he’s going to have his vengeance.

It’s a bit of a surprise to see George Kennedy as the lead in a thriller film. Much like his friend and Naked Gun costar Leslie Nielsen I’ve always seen Kennedy as a comedic actor, but of course their comic acting was informed by their past as in dramatic acting. Either way I like him here as John Kinsdale, he falls into the role very naturally, personable but perfectly able to be serious when needed.

It’s also nice to see movies back when computer stuff was fun. Nowadays computers and the internet are ubiquitous, almost as common as air, but back in the 70s when this movie came out there was still a novel charm about it all, a sense of wonder and mystery. It reminds me of the Coppola film The Conversation actually, starring Gene Hackman, that centered around recording devices, writes, bugs and the like. Technology which is extremely dated, even obsolete by the standards of today, but which comes across as science-fiction in films of this time.

I’ll give The Human Factor the thumbs up. It’s an okay thriller, and a good chance for George Kennedy to show off his craft. Give it a shot, if you want.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: Avenging Force (1986), directed by Sam Firstenberg

 

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune - "Mardi Gras In New Orleans", by Olympia Brass Band 

Chuck Norris kicked the bucket too, didn’t he? The man who launched a thousand jokes in the early 00’s, despite the fact that none of them were funny after maybe the 5th one. Walker Texas Ranger, if you had a grandpa with cable TV, or are a grandpa with cable TV. Not to mention that he was a Zionist who campaigned for Netanyahu and peddler of conspiracy series, just in case you were feeling bad about him not being around anymore. In fact this was going to be a preamble to a Norris review, but you know what? Fuck him. Let’s do a movie I actually like instead.

In Avenging Force, Michael Dudikoff stars as Captain Matt Hunter, a former CIA operative who is moving to New Orleans with his grandfather and little sister. Partly to escape his traumatic past and partly to support his friend Larry Richard’s (Steve James) political career. Unfortunately things are going so well in the Big Easyl There’s been some proverbial shots fired at Larry from a group calling itself Pentangle, and it’s not long before the shots become all verb. Well Matt Hunter ain’t having that shit, and this Pentangle are about to know what an Avenging Force feels like.

If you see the name Troma on a movie, you know there was going to be lots of gore and generally little taste. It was a similar thing with the late Cannon Films, except instead of trashy exploitation films you were getting some action-packed exploitation films. So it is with Avenging Force, which goes above and beyond what you’d think a movie would go that earned less than 5 million at the box office. You don’t just get shot, you get shot and fall backwards off of a moving motorcycle, cars are smashing into each other, dudes falling off high places, and so on. Shit’s catching on fire, kids are getting shot up. It’s crazy to watch play out and gets crazier as it goes on, in a way that I think might have been lost in a bigger, more expensive production that didn’t have to try as hard to be memorable.

Beautiful in its simplicity, you might say. Avenging Force is not reinventing the wheel, Michael Dudikoff is not putting on an Oscar-worthy performance, but he doesn’t really need to. Sometimes all you need in a movie is a tough guy who murders the shit out of a bunch of rich neo-nazis, ‘Most Dangerous Game’ style. Pure catharsis on screen, same as John Woo’s Hard Target. Which also took place in Louisiana, I think. Who knew there were so many racist white people in the Deep South?

Avenging Force gets a big thumbs-up from me. It’s the kind of movie that folks think all action movies are like, or used to be. I’ve enjoyed it every time I’ve seen it, maybe you will too.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul '26: Evil Dad (2013), directed by Fede Alvarez

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune - "Shotgun", by Jr. Walker & The All Stars 
 

 

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that Evil Dead is in the top tier of the 80’s horror world. A film birthed from the deepest, darkest parts of Michigan, which not only got the full franchise treatment but kickstarted the careers of director Sam Raimi and star Bruce Campbell, which in turn lead to some popular Spider-Man movies in the 00’s and that one TV show where Bruce Campbell had his head up a corpse’s ass and Lucy Lawless was in it or something. And it wasn’t even the good one! Evil Dead 2 is the one that has the funny quotes and violent slapstick and stuff, Evil Dead 1 is mainly gore and and an extremely uncomfortable scene with a tree. But hey, you’ve got to start somewhere.

Given it’s status in the halls of horror then, when the idea of a remake came floating down the tubes the feelings going in were less than favorable, especially as there seemed to be a distinct lack of Bruce Campbell’s with shotguns involved. That folks were wary is understandable; Recent years had seen the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street and the two Halloween films by Rob Zombie, so the fear of something that was fun being turned to shit in front of their eyes was still a fresh cut on their souls. But they’re still making Evil Dead movies now, so something must have worked out. Time to find out for myself.

In Evil Dead (2013), Jane Levy stars as Mia Allen, a drug addict who has decided to hole up in the family’s old abandoned cabin in the middle of nowhere in order to quit the stuff cold turkey. Luckily for her she has a group of friends around to support her through this harrowing time. Unluckily for her they also discover an abattoir in a secret basement that contains a book of black magic which unleashes terrible demons upon them that wish to torture and kill them. First Kid Rock and now this? Michiganders really can’t catch a break.

So the premise is the same obviously, but the new Evil Dead is trying out new stuff with the material. I’d say the most obvious is the greater focus on our group of victims in the cabin. In the original Evil Dead none of the cast were all that memorable, even Ash was mostly just a scared guy before later films developed his character. Here all the characters are defined, their relationships are defined, and so when demons are murdering them you’re far more invested.

And trust me, they do get murdered. The first Evil Dead’s popularity was in part due to the gruesome violence and crazy special, and I’m sure one of the worries for fans going into the remake was whether that would continue. It does, for the most part. People are getting showered with blood, cutting off limbs, sliced open, all that good stuff. How much of it practical effect and how much is CG I can’t say, if feels like a mix, but either way it looks very well done.

To rain on the parade a tad, folks who enjoyed the ‘madhouse’ feeling that the original Evil Dead had might be disappointed with the remake. Crazy stuff happens to be sure, but perhaps because of the greater focus on the ensemble it doesn’t feel like we ever quite get to that 1:1 cabin fever paranoia that Ash went through in the original Evil Dead. It’s also got some of those modern things horror movies love to go through these days, you know the exact type of jumpscare with the music sting, the scene where someone gets dragged backward by something, whatever. It doesn’t bother me as much because most of the movies I watch are 40 years old, but there are things that mark this Evil Dead of its time as much as the first.

To rain on that rain though, while it might start off a bit rote in that regard, by the third act I was quite pleasantly surprised and just how much things had descended into total bloody chaos. Truly a level of carnage that Raimi would be proud of, and maybe was, I didn’t check. It’s not the Evil Dead fans knew, but it’s an Evil Dead worthy of the name. Thumbs up.

STATUS: RECOMMENDED