The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2020: Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior (2003), directed by Prachya Pinkaew

 

The Trailer

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The Appropriate Tune: "Phua Kao", by Khun Narin

      China has kung fu, Japan has karate and judo, and Thailand has Muay Thai. Also known as Thai boxing, also known as the art of eight limbs, since its entrance onto the global kickboxing stage Muay Thai has become the single biggest thing to come out of that region in recent memory, although I’ve never had Pad Thai so I might be off on that. A large part of that I think is due to its reputation for being dangerous as hell: Aside from the general danger of the style itself, which emphasizes the use of elbows and knees in striking (like being attacked by a sentient table corner), in its native country where things might be played a little more fast and loose Muay Thai matches can be nasty, bloody affairs, more so than any other combat sport in Southeast Asia. At least according to wikipedia.

      Martial arts films as a genre are typically associated with two regions: China, Hong Kong in particular, and Japan. That’s where the big martial arts movies come from, that’s where the big martial arts stars come from. With the increasing recognition of Muay Thai in the world however it was inevitable that at some point we would see a movie centered around Thai boxing just as we had for kung fu and karate. Which we did. This film has been a potential Marathon entry for as long as the Marathon has existed, but I always managed to find something new that grabbed my attention, and the ‘one western & martial arts movie per Marathon’ rule is the oldest tradition of them. This year though we’ve got no distractions, and just as this film is long overdue to be covered, taking a step into Thai and Southeast Asian cinema was a long time coming as well. Which we will, right now.

      Released in 2003 through Baa-ram-ewe and Sahamongkol Film International, Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior (or Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior in some places) was directed by Prachya Pinkaew and written by Pinkaew, Panna Rittikrai and Suphachai Sittiaumponpan. In the small village of Nong Pradu there is nothing more precious to the villagers than their statue of the Buddha, known to them as Ong-Bak. So much so that when a shady guy named Don steals the head of Ong-Bak, the people are convinced that the village will fall into ruin as a result. Thus the village charges Ting (Tony Jaa) to travel to Bangkok in order to retrieve the head, telling him to seek out former villager Humlae (Mum Jokemok) for help. Trouble is Humlae isn’t a monk-in-training like his parents thought, he’s a sleazy conman constantly in trouble with thugs and gangs for ripping them off, and that the theft of Ong-Bak is only a part of a much larger conspiracy taking place in the dirty underbelly of Bangkok. It’s a good thing that Ting is a living weapon fueled by the art of Muay Thai then.

      Stylistically, Ong-Bak is not that dissimilar from what had been coming out of Hong Kong years before: Kinetic, highly choreographed fight sequences and intense stunt work. Which is not to say that it’s derivative or lesser than it’s neighbor, while the set pieces are not on the scale of a superstar-era Jackie Chan film, the actual stunt work is some of the best I’ve seen in a martial arts film. The acrobatics/parkour stuff is absolutely insane; If that is Tony Jaa doing his own stunts there then I don’t understand how he didn’t become the world’s biggest action star, because he’s the closest thing I’ve seen to a comic book superhero come to life. The fight scenes start off looking good and just get crazier as the film goes on, and while there are multiple cuts throughout there are also scenes of long, intricate sequences as well. Also a huge amount of credit to the stuntman and stunt coordinators, because I don’t know how they pulled any of this off without serious injuries (if they did). I mean the first scene of the film involves guys getting pushed off a tree and dropping several feet into the ground, and there are several scenes where someone leaps into the air and drives another person into the ground knees first. I watch a lot of professional wrestling, the entire point of which is to give the illusion of fighting and causing their opponent pain, and even I end up feeling sympathy pains for the things that these folk do to themselves over the course of the film. You’ll never be able to go back to Steven Segall films after watching Ong-Bak, that’s for sure.

      Where it stumbles is in its characterization. Ting is no Wong Fei-Hong, he’s a kickboxing mannequin who is placed next to more emotive, more weird and entertaining characters that you kind of wish you got to know more about. Honestly at the time of my writing this review I’m still not sure what the antagonist’s name is or if anyone actually says his name at any point in the film, and you don’t learn his right-hand man’s name until near the end of the film when he becomes Thailand’s version of Bane. Luckily Mum Jokemok comes through on that front with Humlae, who takes care of the character arc and as well as many of the comedic moments of the film, including a solid gag involving knives during one of the film’s chase scenes. I do wish they had done more with Muay though, Humlae’s friend and possibly the only woman with a name in this movie, as she feels almost slapped on at the climax of the film and doesn’t really contribute anything leading up to that scene.

      I’m also not a huge fan of Pinkaew’s overuse of the ‘repeat the shot of the stunt’ gimmick. Yes the stunts are so awesome that you’d want to see them again, but the way it keeps happening comes across as silly. Not quite the Matrix, more like those films that ripped off parts of the Matrix in the years following its release. You could say it’s justified because it’s often used to highlight Ting/Jaa’s skills, which is fair, but I would counter that doing it so often takes the bloom off the rose. One of the main appeals of martial arts film is the spontaneous nature of it, seeing something incredibly complex and/or dangerous done with a speed and competency that exists on the edges of believability, like Jackie Chan’s insane stunts. By constantly calling back to these stunts, Ong-Bak comes close to lessening their impact and adds unnecessary energy to already high-energy scenes. It’s as if the filmmakers are trying desperately to convince the audience that their film is cool, rather than letting the film do that.on its own. Tony Jaa is cool as hell though, so I guess there are worse cases of cinematography in the world.

      Speaking of the Matrix, like that film Ong-Bak is definitely of that late 90s to early period in terms of aesthetics. Nightlife in Bangkok means grimy underground clubs and ratty and mood lightning that only comes in shades of dirty yellow set to high energy hip-hop and electronic music, which contrasts well with the poor yet peaceful life in Nong Pradu. Whether that aesthetic has made the go-round and become popular again I can’t say for sure, but I do enjoy the glimpses of Bangkok and the Thai countryside that we get from Ong-Bak. As I’ll probably never have a chance to visit Thailand myself, it’s nice to catch a glimpse and see how Thai people showcase their home.

      Ong-Bak gets the recommendation like gangsters get an elbow to the skull. An uncomplicated story, simple motivations between the protagonist and antagonist, a chock full of fights and stunts to keep you engaged. I think if you’re a fan of slightly surreal action films like John Wick or The Big Hit, or martial arts films in general, then I think you’ll get a kick out of Ong-Bak. Or a knee, as the case may be. Pull out your own statue of the Buddha this Halloween, punch out a Big Bear, and have yourself a good time.

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2019: Save the Green Planet (2003), directed by Jan Jun-Hwang

The Trailer

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The Appropriate Tune: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

         One of the most popular debates the world’s got going, in science fiction circles and otherwise, is the existence of aliens. One side says that not only is alien life in general an astronomically low prospect, but that meeting an intelligent alien species is a nigh-on impossibility, given the incredible distance between Earth-like planets and the required level of development needed to devise the technology to traverse it. The other says that not only do intelligent aliens exist, but they are intimately connected with humankind; Using their alien technology to build ancient monuments like the Pyramids and Stonehenge, abducting us at night and anally probing us, mutilating our cattle and circling our crops, and all we need is one quick Naruto run down to Area 51. Are the aliens benevolent, using their advanced abilities for the good of humankind? Or are they the vicious, despotic sort? No matter what alignment they are, no matter which side of the debate you’re on, the fact of the matter is that someone needs to work security for the species. Someone needs to save the green planet that we call home, or at least make a movie about it. Conveniently, that’s where we’re at today.

        While returning home from an evening of drunken revelry, Man-shik Kang, CEO of a prominent pharmaceutical company, is abducted by a couple wearing trash bag ponchos and strange helmets. When he awakes, he finds himself strapped in a chair in a dank and murky room, no clothes, no hair, and seemingly no chance of escape. The man (who we later learn is named Byun-goo Lee) and his wife Sooni explain to him that he’s been captured because they know that he’s not human. Not because he’s a capitalist, which is the simplest way to determine inhumanity, but because he’s literally not human. Man-shik Kang is in fact an alien from Andromeda, and in seven days when the lunar eclipse happens the Prince of his species will arrive, bringing with him doom & destruction. Well Lee isn’t going to stand for that, so he’s going to make Kang admit that he’s an alien and make him call off the invasion by any means necessary, and he’s got a lot of painful means at his disposal. Never mind that Lee seems a little unstable, or that Kang and Lee’s history runs far deeper than it appears on the surface. Byeung-Gu Lee is here to save the green planet, and he’s not going to let anybody stop him. Not Kang, not the cops, no one.

        At first, Save the Green Planet seems like it might’s be Seoul’s contribution to the tired ‘torture porn’ horror subgenre, popularized by films like Saw, Hostel, and Human Centipede, albeit with a bit of a humorous twist. However, as the story unfolds you discover that this is more than Korea’s Misery. Although centered around aliens, Save the Green Planet deals in the things that are far too familiar: Mental illness, how we are affected by the loss of a loved one, taking or rejecting personal responsibility, revenge and even unconventional love. The film is far more nuanced than it seems at first, the best kind of bait-and-switch, and I found myself quickly and deeply empathizing with Lee and Sooni’s plight much more than I expected. I was even driven towards emotion at the climax, non-negative emotions to be precise, which has only happened with a few movies this Marathon. A sudden and unexpected surprise if ever there was one.

        Save the Green Planet is also one of those movies where I can’t think of any actual flaws, although that could be because I pulled an all-nighter to do this. The film’s just under 2 hours but it flies by, the acting is good, the score is excellent, Lee’s house is the perfect mix of beauty and darkness, it all just works. If I’m going to criticize anything, I’d say that the ending is arguably hit-or-miss,  making sense thematically while also undercutting the scenes before it. Also, while we’re given explanation for who the Andromedans supposedly are and what their plan is, I still found myself a bit lost on the point of it all. Not that I suppose it should make sense given it comes from Lee’s mind, but it was a bit of a head-scratcher, although it could have been lost in translation. Some of the jokier moments are a little broad too, but you’ll probably be too invested by that point to care..

        I went into this movie thinking it would be a pro-environmental movie since Boiling Point replaced Godzilla vs. Biollante, but what I got instead was this tragi-comic dramatic thriller about this guy who builds mannequins and pops pharmaceutical methamphetamine. What a trip! I really enjoyed it, so it gets a hearty recommendation from me. You might need a pick-me-up afterwards, but Save the Green Planet would be a nice treat going into Halloween.

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2016 -- Beyond Re-Animator (2003), directed by Brian Yuzna

The Trailer
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The Appropriate Tune: "The Drifter", by H. P. Lovecraft

     Aside from John Carpenter’s The Thing, there is probably no other film that’s ever received as much consistent praise on these lists as Re-Animator. A then-modern adaptation of a classic story by H.P. Lovecraft, which itself was a spin on the even more classic Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Re-Animator centered around Dr. Herbert West, played by Jeffrey Combs (who you might remember from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. A gifted but rebellious medical student, West isn’t interested in curing simple diseases or mending broken bones, but instead solving the one problem that has plagued doctors since the dawn of time: Death. To that end, West develops a reagent which, upon injection into the spinal cord of a corpse, actually returns the subject to life. Well, a semblance of life. Well, it turns them into savage flesh-starved monsters, but you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few abominable eggs, right?

     Re-Animator was basically what 80’s horror B-movies were all about, or at least what they should have aspired to be. The premise was simple, which made the story itself uncomplicated and easy to get into. The special effects were excellent, which in turn made the gore and the violence particularly gruesome, of which there was plenty to enjoy. Jeffrey Comb’s performance as Herbert West, not so much a simple ‘mad scientist’ as a unapologetically immoral yet devilishly charismatic manipulator of the human form, putting him far above your typical Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger-style horror villains of the time. There’s no cardboard acting, no hackjob editing, no obnoxious soundtrack blaring during important scenes, it’s does everything right and looks good doing it. If you’ve read any of the previous lists, if you’ve read the entries on this list right now, you know how common it is to see me write ‘the special effects were good, but the story was crap’, or ‘you might enjoy this, if you overlook these characters’. Those kinds of statements never really seem to come up for me when it comes to Re-Animator, which as far I’m concerned is the only way to quantify whether a movie is ‘good’ or not in any meaningful sense. Subjectively speaking of course, objectivity is for fancy computers and Steve Ditko.

     Then came Bride of Re-Animator a few years later, which was actually featured on the Marathon a while back. Horror franchises can generally get a least two good films out of a property before things get shitty (See: Frankenstein & Bride of Frankenstein, Halloween 1 & 2, Alien & Aliens), and Bride is no exception. There’s no attempts to reinvent the wheel here, but it does try to maintain the standards of the original while using the safety of the Re-Animator name to explore some directions, which is what everyone expects of proper sequels. In that way, while I probably enjoyed the original more, I have to admit that Bride of Re-Animator is far more bizarre film than its predecessor. Creatures made out of human limbs, disembodied heads with bat wings flying around, things get really weird there for a while. An entertaining movie and worthy sequel, and a good way to end the series. Barring any tie-in comics down the road, that is.

     Then around a decade or so later Beyond Re-Animator comes to our doorstep, proving that the Two Movie Rule was more like a Two Movie Law.

     Ugh.

     So the premise itself is fine. Herbert West, who somehow survived the end of the last movie, has been in prison for the past thirteen years after his last experiment ended up a little deadly. Eventually a new rube (Dr. Howard Phillips, a Lovecraft reference and what passes for our protagonist) arrives at the prison, eager to work with West and his reagent and completely willing to experiment on prisoners without their consent and knowledge. After a decade of research however, Herbert West has moved beyond merely raising the dead. By transferring something called Neuroplasmic Energy from a living thing into a previously living thing, one can finally restore cognitive thinking and rationality to the reanimated, bypassing the one roadblock that had hampered the success of the reagent in the past. Messing around with the ‘souls’ of living things is a risky gamble though, especially when you’re in a horror movie, and things start going to shit almost immediately. If you thought prison was bad before, just wait until the abominations of science start showing up.

     It sucks though. As good a setup as that premise is, touching upon the abuse of power in the American prison system, providing an inherently violent and isolated setting that only becomes more so when you add the reanimated, it’s a bad movie. Cardboard acting (Pinocchio is less wooden than Howard Phillips), Friday the 13th style editing which pushes the violence offscreen, rather unfortunate portrayals of women (there are three women in this film. The first is murdered, the second is forced to expose her breasts, and the third is raped and murdered. Not the best track record), and ‘comedy’ scenes that occasionally try to match the morbid absurdity of the previous films but just come off as painfully stupid. About the only thing it doesn’t manage to screw up is the occasionally decent bit of gore and the soundtrack, which while forgettable at least features the theme from the original movie. Oh, and Jeffrey Combs as Herbert West, the rock which weathers the shit storm of a movie raging around him. Love ya buddy.

     So is Beyond Re-Animator supposed to be the Army of Darkness of the Re-Animator series? There does come a point in every horror franchise’s life where it devolves into self-parody after all, H2O for Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, it’s basically inevitable. You’ve reached the limit to how you far can push the formula, so you push the fact that you have no new ideas as the new idea and hope that debasing yourself will squeeze a few more drops of blood from the stone. Freddy Krueger goes from a demon of your nightmares to Bart Simpson, dropping sarcastic one-liners and making hip pop culture references in a bid to connect with ‘the kids’. Jason Vorhees becomes a space zombie. Michael Myers gets his ass kicked by Xzibit. Monster movies sure are dumb, right guys? Look at this hot chick with big boobs, look at all these horror tropes we’re messing around with! Buy our movie and we’ll let you spit in our mouth.

     The thing is, the Re-Animator series wasn’t tired. There were two movies in the 80s, and then the franchise was basically dead for 10 years. So what was the point of even bringing it back if you were going to pull this half-assed shit with it? In one fell swoop you turned the Re-Animator series from an underrated cult classic with plenty of potential material into a fucking Syfy Original Movie in one fell swoop, sinking it even lower into obscurity than it was before your attempts at revitalizing it. Why not comics? Why not pen & paper RPGs? Instead we got a movie where a rat puppet fights a detached human penis, and although that probably sounds funny out of context, the reality is that you’ll have stopped giving a shit long before that scene ever shows up. I know I did.

     Do I think that you should watch Beyond Re-Animator? No, not really. Do I think fans of the Re-Animator films will find something to enjoy with Beyond Re-Animator? Probably not, aside from a few choice special effects and the presence of Jeffrey Combs. Do I think my love for Re-Animator is keeping me from viewing Beyond Re-Animator more critically? Possibly. For any pros this film might have had though, it’s the flaws that shine through the brightest, and it’s the flaws which stick in my mind. If the only things you remember about a movie are the bad things, doesn’t that make it a bad movie? Write five pages on that and get it in to me by Monday.

Coffee & Cigarettes (2003), directed by Jim Jarmusch

come watch my inevitable decline

The Trailer
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The Appropriate Tune: "Cigarettes and Coffee", by Otis Redding

     The first thing I ever saw by Jim Jarmusch was Horse, a concert film/documentary of the great Neil Young and his band Crazy Horse, in case you were wondering. I was hanging out at the home of my friend Big John, a rock star in his own right and major Young fan, drinking and smoking as hip college goers are known to do. Through the chemical haze, I decided that Horse was actually a pretty good concert film as it turned out, featuring vintage footage of the band combined with present day concert performances. The name Jim Jarmusch got stuck in my head that day, just waiting for a time that it could bust out and convince me to finally see one of his movies. Biding it’s time, like a tiger on the prowl.

     That time is now.

     Coffee & Cigarettes was an independent film directed by Mr. Jarmusch in 2003. The movie is presented in a series of vignettes, each featuring different actors, with no overarching narrative. In all but two of the stories, a characters enters the scene, somebody consumes some coffee and cigarettes, an awkward, vaguely hostile conversation is held, and then a characters at the end of the scene (the only differences, by the way, are in the one instance where the characters drink tea, and another where no characters enter or leave). The title of the vignette reveals to us the nature of the story, “Twins” has twins for main characters, “Delirium” has a conversation relating to delirium, and so on. It’s not a bad way to do things, and using coffee & cigarettes as a connecting theme is as good as any, but there’s a distinct lack of weight in these vignettes. Why are these people so passive-aggressive? Is it the caffeine/nicotine? The the scene ends, and I’m wondering how I just spent several minutes of my life.

     I will give credit to Jarmusch in grabbing some damn interesting talent for his movie, which leads to some amusing situations. Who hasn't wanted to hear Steve Buscemi talk about Elvis Presley’s evil twin, or Jack White operating a Tesla coil, or RZA and GZA discussing alternative medicine with Bill Murray? Not to mention Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, Cate Blanchett...Folks who I would love to see converse with each other (perhaps over some coffee & cigarettes?), without all the meandering bullshit that’s been tossed in. Would I like to hear a conversation between Iggy Pop and Tom Waits? Abso-fucking-lutely. Did I like the scene in which they conversed in Coffee & Cigarettes? Not particularly.

     Not much to say this around, or perhaps more appropriately not much I feel like writing. My first non-Horse experience with Jarmusch has become the least enjoyable movie I've done so far, which admittedly isn't saying much at this point. It’s possible that I just don’t ‘get’ the message he was trying to put out here, if there was even a message to get in the first place. It’s also possible that the film sucks, and he would've been better off just making a documentary. Obviously Jim Jarmusch and I have things we need to work out together, with the film and with our relationship.

     Perhaps over some hot chocolate and hashish?

Result: Recommended if you like coffee, cigarettes, coffee & cigarettes, people talking about nothing for 90 minutes, or Bill Murray gargling oven cleaner

          Not Recommended if you like narratives, action, clean lungs, or Ms. Cate Blanchett