The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2015: They Live (1988), directed by John Carpenter

The Trailer

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The Appropriate Tune: "Know Your Enemy", by Rage Against the Machine

     How much are we influenced by our entertainment? Does pop culture prevent us from recognizing and addressing the problems of our society? Ever since the birth of capitalism and the advent of advertising, artists of all shapes and sizes have played with the idea that the Earth (or at least the First World parts) has become one big Island of the Lotus-Eaters, blinded by a soporific haze of mindless consumerism and hedonistic pleasure that prevents us from kicking up a fuss when we inevitably end up being exploited for whatever reason. It’s been covered in novels (Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, Orwell’s 1984, Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451), music (The Clash’s “Lost in the Supermarket”, Crass’ entire discography) art (that one Andy Warhol painting with the soup cans), and of course film. Despite being the most expensive and consumer-friendly form of popular media, cinema has quite the track record in scolding people for the blind consumption of entertainment and not paying attention to the world around us. Robocop, Brazil, Videodrome, Catch-22, etc., etc., etc. 

     But since I’ve already watched those movies, let’s talk about They Live instead.

     Released in 1988, who those true Americans in the audience reading this will recognize as the year Van Halen released their landmark album OU812, They Live was directed by John Carpenter in what I tend to consider the tail end of his ‘golden age’, which lasted from the late 70s to around the mid 90s. So many interesting films to come out of that period of time: Halloween I & II, The Thing, Escape from New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Assault on Precinct 13, The Fog, Starman if you pretend it’s a film about Jack Knight and not a romantic drama, just a nice gooey chunk of goodness for your brain to enjoy. Maybe not all of them are what you might call the pinnacle of film, but they were inventive and innovative in an era of increasingly worthwhile science-fiction, horror and action films, and that’s where my interests lie.

     In a city that is probably San Francisco, a man known only as Nada (professional wrestler and kilt enthusiast Rowdy Roddy Piper) arrives in town looking for work. With only the clothes on his back and a backpack full of tools, Nada ends up staying in the local shantytown, doing manual labor at the local construction site. It’s not glamorous work or work that allows you to afford the basic cost of living apparently, but it’s honest work, jobs that Nada and his new friend Frank (Keith David) are willing to do in these tough and troubled times.

     All that changes when Nada comes across some unusual sunglasses, left behind by some shifty people taking up residence in a nearby church. When worn, they reveal to Nada a vision of the world that he never thought possible. Everything around him; billboards, magazines, television, is in fact subliminal propaganda designed to keep humanity docile and unaware of their environment. Not to mention the fact that some people, especially cops, politicians and news reporters, aren’t even people at all, but are in fact god damn aliens. Nada quickly finds himself caught up in the guerilla war between these god damn aliens and the paltry amount of humans with access to the special sunglasses, which apparently makes up the entirety of the resistance movement as far as we know. Throw in copious amounts of gunplay, a bit of romance and the longest fight scene to ever take place in a parking lot and you got yourself a movie.

     Although They Live came out in the late 80s, a time when we thought Guns N’ Roses was the greatest band in human history, it feels much more like a sci-fi film from the pre-Star Wars 70s, like a Westworld or Soylent Green. Aside from literally naming the protagonist ‘nothing’, which sounds like something pulled from a Frederik Pohl paperback, and the most blatantly obvious moral lesson since Reefer Madness, there’s a distinct feeling of ‘old school’ that runs throughout the film. Whether it’s the bizarrely low budget looking aliens (creepy, but nowhere near what Carpenter had accomplished in The Thing or Big Trouble in Little China) or the way the characters exist more as set pieces than people. Which sounds like an insult, and maybe it is for those types of films, but with They Live it seems like the point was to make that kind. It would make sense, seeing as two years previous he directed Big Trouble out of a desire to make a kung-fu movie, a genre that also saw its greatest prominence in the 70s. Maybe the late 80s were the John Carpenter equivalent of a Throwback Thursday? Who can say for sure?

     It’s a little bit goofy, to be honest. Piper tries to go for some Arnie-esque one liners that make him less like a badass freedom fighter and more like he’s trying to troll Hulk Hogan on Saturday Night’s Main Event. The whole movie in general is full of weird dialogue, weird scenes that may or may not be intentional though, so it’s actually kind of a plus I guess? I don’t know man, the concept is cool, there’s plenty of action, and it’s just stupid enough that you can have fun with it. Try it out this Halloween.

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2015: Se7en (1995), directed by David Fincher

The Trailer

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The Appropriate Tune: "Sin", by Nine Inch Nails

     Ok, I’ll come right out and admit it: I haven’t seen Gone Girl. 

     I know, I know, I’m a horrible person, no respect for quality cinema, etc., etc., etc. Apparently it’s a really good movie, according to the folks whose opinions I care about, but I haven’t got around it. I’m incredibly busy for a man with no prospects and no future you see: Reading, writing, playing video games, exercising, lamenting the loss of my childhood, my schedule is absolutely packed. When I do find time to watch a movie, it usually ends up being some weird movie from the past (my preferred genre of cinema) that I can write about, not the current Oscar bait or unremarkable summer blockbuster. I think the most recent film I watched was actually Birdman, quite good by my estimates, but I only ended up watching that because I heard enough about it beforehand. I love movies, I’d love to make movies, but I just don’t have the time or the interest to constantly stay on top of the ever-growing movie pile. I’ll probably watch it at some point, along with Mad Max: Fury Road and about a dozen other movies, but who knows when I’ll get to it?

     I will admit that I am interested in exploring the work of David Fincher however, except for Alien 3, and since our esteemed director’s work seems primarily focused on the thriller genre, it seemed well-suited for our Marathon of the Soul. While there were several films that I could have chosen, Zodiac, Gone Girl, The Social Network for you technophobes out there, I decided to go with a film that I not only had eyes on for a while, but one I felt was creepy and bizarre enough for a proper Halloween treat. Ladies and gentlemen: Se7en.

     In an unnamed city, which is probably New York City or Chicago but is never identified as such, officer William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) meets officer David Mills (Brad Pitt) at a gruesome murder scene. Somerset is the jaded veteran officer, a man worn down to nothing by years of wading through the grime and muck that is this urban hell, who just so happens to be one week away retirement. His replacement, a recent transfer, is literally the polar opposite: young, headstrong, quick to anger and slow when it comes to the more subtle aspects of police investigation. So no real game-changer in that department, it’s an archetype that’s been replicated in countless stories throughout fiction, mystery fiction or not. Rush Hour, 48 Hrs., Lethal Weapon, etc., etc., etc. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, you get the idea.

     The next day, Somerset and Mills come across an even more gruesome and bizarre murder scene: A man who was apparently forced to eat until his stomach literally burst. Strange, but not necessarily a big deal, until another body turns up, this time with the word ‘greed’ written in blood at the scene. It seems that there is a serial killer loose in the city, one who murders people in ways that visually represent the 7 deadly sins, and does it quite effectively to boot. Diametrically opposed though they may be, it’s up to Somerset and Mills to investigate, and put a stop to these grisly killings once and for all, before the Sin Killer manages to elevate himself to the ranks of the most infamous murderers in history. 5 more sins to go…

     If I were to compare Se7en to another film, and what is film criticism without comparison to other things, the first thing to come to mind was Manhunter. Although some of the camera work and the artistic design of the crimes gives the impression of the Hannibal TV series (recently canceled, resquiat in pace), but for whatever reason my mind immediately went to that film. Aside from the similar nature of the films, there’s a sense of tension that weighs upon the investigation as you’re watching. Even in Se7en’s quieter moments, you find yourself drawn into the case, wondering when Somerset and Mills will finally hit upon the right track. I’ve only seen one of his films, but I have to give Fincher the nod for his ability to pull off a suspenseful atmosphere.

     I also wouldn’t feel too wrong in throwing out a comparison to True Detective as well, particularly season 1 True Detective (because I haven’t been keeping up with season 2). Two detectives, one a nihilistic loner and the other kind of a douchebag without the greatest homelife, tracking down a serial killer Pretty basic, but it’s a matter of tone as much as it is structure. In both stories, and even in Manhunter, an almost supernatural slant to the crimes. There’s nothing actually magical in True Detective, same as in Se7en and Manhunter, but the way the murders are framed coupled with the oppressive atmosphere gives the impression of a quasi-mystical serial killer. It gives the story greater freedom of movement than the average detective story, and really only the weird ones even garner my interest nowadays. Except for Columbo of course. Columbo is always great.

     On the other hand, it definitely seems like Se7en is focused more on artistry than crafting a solid mystery. Somerset and Mills aren’t so much catching a serial killer as they are crafting a shelf from IKEA: Every step/clue is set up for them, and they are lead to each murder in a nice and orderly manner. It makes them a reactive force rather than an active one, and while it’s not uncommon in detective fiction, Se7en missteps when it comes to giving the audience a sense of progression. Especially when it finally gets to revealing the serial killer, which really disembowels the idea of a proper mystery. Maybe you could away with it if you labeled it strictly as a thriller rather a mystery film, or maybe Fincher was making a statement on how everything is shit and all your hard work is meaningless, which falls in line with Somerset’s character. One is a lazy answer, one is the artistic answer, but it still feels like a kick in the balls either way.

     So some definite story issues, but the atmosphere and tone are really good, cast is good aside from being saddled with some hokey dialogue and the music is okay if you love Nine Inch Nails. Overall a decent movie, and considering some of the shit that makes up typical Halloween fare you could easily do a lot worse. Like Alien 3 worse, and no one wants that.

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2015: Westworld (1973), directed by Michael Crichton

The Trailer
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The Appropriate Tune: "Wild Wild West", by Kool Moe Dee

     If there’s one things we’ve learned in the hundreds of years since the invention of speculative fiction it is this: People will always find a way to fuck themselves over, no matter what. Human have been around for quite a while, and in the dozens, some might say hundreds, of years, we have packed the entirety of the human literary canon about how arrogant, spiteful dicks people are, and how they ruin their and other people’s lives through their arrogant, spiteful ways. We can’t get enough of the stuff. Of course, since we’re so busy talking about how bad other people, how stupid they are, how their way of doing things isn’t like ours, we tend to be very slow at actually trying to make the world a better place. It seems like humanity loves to revel in the idea of of our own helplessness when it comes to our media, that our lives have to be bad, that we have no agency, in some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy/egotistic masturbatory session. Or maybe that’s just how I see things, being a severe depressive and all. Can’t say for sure.

     If there’s any man who knows the folly of man’s arrogance, it’s Michael Crichton. From his first novel back in 1966 until his death in 2008, Crichton loved to explore the ways in which we humans could fuck ourselves over through our own stupidity, generally through some horribly mismanaged sci-fi concept. The most famous of these explorations was of course Jurassic Park (adapted to film in 1993), recently given a franchise update in Jurassic World (which seems to simultaneously one of the most hated and most successful movies of the year if anonymous people on the internet is anything to go by), but it has also been seen in other Crichton adaptations like Congo, The Terminal Man and The Andromeda Strain. So when it came time to hand the directorial reins over to Crichton, it makes sense that his debut film, the film that I’m featuring on this list, would deal with the same themes that he would later use with cloned dinosaurs and hyper-intelligent gorillas in novels/movies. We’re talking Westworld

     In the far-flung American future of hovercrafts and things that aren’t hovercrafts, the most popular amusement park in the world isn’t Disneyland or Six Flags or Dear Leader’s Happy Funtime Child Pit & Salt Mine (#1 in North Korea),it’s Delos. For a paltry 1000 dollars a day, you can vacation in Medievalworld, Romanworld or Westworld, perfect recreations of those historical periods populated entirely by androids. You can talk with them, fuck them, kill them,beat them up, all under the watchful eye of trained Delos technicians and engineers. Ever wanted to rob a bank on horseback? How about swordfighting a knight while feasting on mutton and mead? Does a drunken outdoor orgy with men & women of indiscriminate ages strike your fancy. The heights of debauchery and wish-fulfillment in a safe, controlled environment can be yours when you try Delos, so why not take a trip to Westworld today? Heck, even our animals are artificial!

     Of course, this being a movie, the day that our protagonists John Blane (James Brolin) and Peter Martin (Richard Benjamin) decide to take a trip to the most magical place on Earth is the day that everything goes to shit. It seems that the rate of malfunctions in the robots has dramatically since the park opened, mostly tied to a breakdown in their logic processors it seems, and in true Jaws fashion the higher-ups are too interested in their profits to notice when something is about to go tits-up. Blane and Martin might find shootouts, bar fights and sex with robo-hookers fun now, but what happens when the machines don’t want to listen anymore? What happens when the sensors that keep the (very real) guns from firing on real people stop working? Worst of all, what happens when you have a bloodthirsty Yul Brynner gunning for your ass? You get three guesses.

     Crichton was already a fairly accomplished novelist before his work on Westworld, so it’s not surprising at all that this movie probably reads far better than it plays. Particularly in the case of the protagonists, Blane and Martin. I can’t writing and erasing things down trying to accurately describe my feelings about it, but the heart of the issue was that they were completely totally uninteresting characters. Barely characters really, you never really learn much about them, never really get to identify with them (unless you too are a scrawny douchebag with a pornstache) and thus, inevitably, don’t care about whether they live or die. Compare it to Jurassic Park, which is pretty much this move but with dinosaurs: You cared about Hammond, you cared Malcolm, because you learn about them through the course of the film by the way they act and interact with others. Crichton manages to impart a bit of personality to other characters, most of which have even less screen time and dialogue, but Peter Martin (who is technically the protagonist I suppose, with Blane being the deuteragonist) is a nonentity. Sit through the entire movie and the most you’ll figure out about him is that he doesn’t like to get shot by robots. The last half of the movie is filled with corpses, and this fucker is still gives the most lifeless performance in the room.

     Westworld isn’t what I would call a bad movie though (otherwise it wouldn’t be this list presumably), and for a debut film by someone who presumably didn’t study filmmaking it’s quite well made, all things considered. I mean the ‘Amusement Park run amok’ setting concept was good enough that Crichton managed to successfully recycle, it managed to at least touch upon how the removal of consequence affects man’s behaviour and sense of morality, and Yul Brynner as a cowboy Terminator years before Arnie played a killer robot is pretty cool. If you keep in mind that this movie is from the early 70s, when science fiction was at this weird crossroads between new wave philosophy and commercial genre fiction, the concept is enough to warrant a watch. If you liked Soylent Green and Logan’s Run, then you might like to take a trip to Westworld this Halloween.

The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2015: Predator 2 (1990), directed by Stephen Hopkins

     Another year has gone by, and that means it’s time to watch some weird movies for Halloween! This year, I’ve endeavored to not only pick movies that I’ve wanted to see, but also films that capture that fantastical tone that we associate so strongly with this holiday for the strange. Fantasy, sci-fi, adventure, even some dark comedies thrown in for good measure, all of them viewed by me for the very first time. Some I can’t praise enough, some I struggle to praise at all, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it (especially since I’m so lazy). So here’s a smattering of the films on display this year; take a look, critique it if you want, tell me how much a fucking idiot I am for not liking the movies you like, but above all I fervently hope you pick one of these movies to watch that you’ve never seen before. That’s why I’ve constructed this list, and it’s why I review the movies that I do, so that you guys out there might find something new that you can enjoy or that inspires you in your own creative work.

Happy Halloween!

The Trailer

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The Appropriate Tune: "Welcome To The Jungle", by Guns N' Roses

     Although the Predator has arguably never enjoyed the cultural or artistic significance that other sci-fi horror films of that era have enjoyed, Alien, The Thing, the Star Wars Christmas Special, it’s certainly carved its own place in pop culture. Video games, comic books (including three different instances of Batman vs. Predator), novels and a series of mostly subpar films, some of which include the xenomorphs from Alien, another franchise that could be considered generally shit. Of course even the most shameless of franchises have a grain of good in them; Ridley Scott’s Alien and James Cameron’s Aliens are certainly well-favored in the public eye, Halloween Part 1 & Part 2, Batman & Batman Returns, and although I wouldn’t say it’s a fantastic film, Predator is at least an entertaining and competently made one. But what of its sequel, 1990’s Predator 2? Is it a Terminator 2, or a Cars 2? Does it make for a great Halloween movie? Only I can say for sure.

     So the first Predator is a pretty simple premise, but in case you’re somehow incapable of watching it or looking it up yourself, here it is: Sometime in the radical 1980s, a paramilitary group led by ‘Dutch’ Schaefer are engaged in some work in the jungles of South America where they are stalked and systematically killed by an extraterrestrial hunter (some might say a predator). While thematically it’s pretty much just a slasher flick filled with guns and latent homoeroticism, there are a couple of things about Predator that manage to make it interesting. First off all, it has a great cast: Carl ‘Apollo Creed’ Weathers, Jesse ‘Sexual Tyrannosaurus’ Ventura, and Arnold Schwarzenegger as the lead, in the prime of his 80s Action God days. Secondly, the design of the Predator alien and his weapons are quite interesting to look at, and the effects concerning his vision and his cloaking device are pretty cool as well. Finally, the movie is pretty damn violent at times, and if you happen to be a bit of a gorehound like I am, you’ll find something to like there. In a lot of ways Predator is the beefcake version of Alien, which is probably why the idea of the two properties collaborating has always been intriguing, if not properly executed. Then again, every single versus movie ever made has failed to meet expectations, so that’s not surprising.

     Following in the footsteps of Aliens and Judgement Day, Predator attempts to be bigger and better while still retaining the core concept of what made the original film work. Instead of the steaming jungles of South America, our film takes place in the ‘urban jungle’ of Los Angeles in the then far-off year of 1997, a Demolition Man-esque warzone between the L.A.P.D and the textbook definition of what White America apparently thought inner-city gangs were back in the 90’s (paganistic, barely coherent and constantly under the influence of drugs as they fire off assault weapons? I don’t know how anyone could possibly be offended). Rather than buff action hero Schwarzenegger, we get Michael Harrigan (Danny Glover), a renegade cop who plays by nobody’s rules but his own, who is stalked by an all-new all-deadly Predator. You’ve got Gary Busey as a shady government agent, voodoo sacrifices, weed, Bill Paxton, and the macho Latina chick that seemed to be a prerequisite in these kinds of movies. Maybe there wasn’t a truck vs helicopter fight going on, but it was definitely a ‘bigger’ movie than Predator.

     However, there are some problems. Although Predator 2 seems to be attempting some biting social commentary (gang violence, exploitative media, culture of fear) it comes off less a Robocop or Dawn of the Dead type satire than it does a Dracula: Dead and Loving It. Also, despite there being plenty of action, and thus an appropriate amount of death, the movie seems rather muted when it comes to violence. Compared to the original film, which had arms blowing off, graphic depictions of skinned bodies and such, the killings in the sequel seem rather tame in comparison, if they’re even on screen at all Not to say there offscreen deaths can’t be valid in a dramatic sense, but this ain’t the 50s anymore and sometimes a punch in the face can hurt just as much as one to the back of the head. I don’t know if it was censorship imposed by the studio/ratings board that caused it or if that was just the way it came out, but once you see it you can’t unsee it. If we’re already going with the idea that a slightly overweight cop can fight a 7 ft tall homicidal alien just as well as Arnold ‘Terminator the Barbarian’ Schwarzenegger, something that can eviscerate a room full of coked up gang members with machine guns without getting a scratch, then I want some visceral death scenes. You pushing the underdog story? Then you make sure the audience knows just how much of an underdog the protagonist really is.

     Even taking its flaws into account, Predator 2 is a fairly entertaining movie, and I can appreciate the way it expanded upon the lore of the Predators themselves. Between the two I’d still say Predator is the better film, mostly because it’s the more straightforward film, not bogged down by the ridiculous stuff that plagues its descendent. If you’ve seen the first movie last Halloween and you’re wondering whether you should try the sequel, I’d say you’ll probably find something to enjoy this year. Watch out for anything beyond that though, especially the Alien vs. Predator films. You may not survive.

Some news

Sorry there isn't much to look at folks. Been working on some stuff, including the Halloween movie list, and so I've been kept from writing standalone articles. I'll try to see if I can find something to post here, just so it doesn't feel so dead.

Till next time, comrades.

10 Things That Fill Me With A Bittersweet Sense of Nostalgia When I Think About Them

10. Scott McCloud's Zot!

9. FLCL

8. Yu Yu Hakusho

7. That one ending theme to Dragonball where Bulma is looking out of a window

6. Pretty much any song by Randy Newman

5. Summers that meant something

4. The DNA Cowboys Trilogy by Mick Farren

3. That one girl I had a crush on since elementary school

2. Disney's Hercules

1. My childhood

Feel free to post things in the comments that fill you with a sense of loss.

5 Batman Villains I'd Like to See in Arkham Knight

I’m a big fan of Batman,and not too long ago I bought and played through Batman: Arkham Asylum and Batman: Arkham City. Good, solid games I have to say, not without their flaws of course, but the good things about those games generally outweighed the bad I’d say. I haven’t read or seen much of anything about the upcoming game in the series, Arkham Knight, but since there’s only a month or so to go before its release, I decided to make a little list about a couple of characters I’d like to see in said game. This is really off the cuff, like I said I have barely any knowledge about Arkham Knight and who is in it, but I haven’t written an article in a while and I wanted to get back into the groove. This is the result.

God help us all.

5. Killer Moth

As storied and popular as Batman’s Rogue’s Gallery is, only being matched by heroes like Spider-Man and the Flash, even the Caped Crusader has faced some downright ridiculous and outright stupid villains in his 70+ year history. The Penny Plunderer. The Condiment King. Crazy Quilt. Catman (before Catman became a badass of course, that Secret Six series a few years back ain’t half-bad). I mean sure, the best kind of villains are those who act as as twisted reflections of the hero, but in a world where superheroes are a thing, and fantastical powers are one lab accident or traumatic event away, it only makes sense that not everyone who decided to put on colorful pajamas and rob banks would be Justice League-level threats. Some want the glory without having to have their atoms replaced with wood or their brains transplanted into robots.Some are just schmucks looking to score some easy money and evil groupies (Harley Quinn set the bar way too high).

Case in point: Killer Moth, a.k.a. Cameron von Cleer, a.k.a. Drury Walker, a D-list supervillain who’s really an A-list criminal who is in actuality a Z-list criminal. Relatively lackluster even amongst nondescript thugs, Drury Walker was captivated by the riches and glory that came with being a costumed villain, and decided to become one himself, first by adopting the identity of Cameron von Cleer and then by becoming the dastardly Killer Moth. Unfortunately, due to his lack of intelligence, less than stellar physical prowess and the fact that his costume looks it was made from a shag carpet, Killer Moth has very rarely been able to rise above being the joke of the collective DC Universe, which is a pretty harsh criticism considering one of the strongest beings in that universe is named Reverse Flash. The fact that a dude like Killer Moth is still around though, still plugging away at the supervillain thing despite the whole world against him, is kind of inspiring in a way. If that guy can reinvent himself without being murdered by the hundreds of villains and vigilantes out there, why can’t the rest of us?

Although there have been several iterations of the character that could be considered a legitimate threat (the version from the Teen Titans cartoon comes to mind), I’d be perfectly happy with plain old goofy Drury Walker hanging out in the game. Perhaps he could act as the first major rogue that Batman encounters in the game, much like Zsasz did in Asylum or Two-Face in City, a threat that gets you used to the mechanics but with minimal risk. And unlike Dent or Zsasz, who were treated like jokes in the games, I don’t think anyone would mind if Killer Moth got totally bodied. So throw him in there, and let us have some fun with him.

4.  Owlman

Perhaps expecting Rocksteady to jump into the multiverse for Arkham Knight might be asking too much, and perhaps the ‘evil version of the hero’ angle is overdone at this point (even for this list, as you’ll see), but I can’t think of a better enemy for Batman than well, Batman. A Batman from a universe where every the allegiances of every hero and villain is reversed, and thus destined to fail by the rules of comics, but a Batman nonetheless. They already have enough on their plate with the whole Scarecrow thing, probably don’t want to overwork the horse.

I have no great love for the character of Owlman, but it did inspire what I thought could be an interesting idea for a boss fight: a mutual predator room. It would make sense that Batman and Owlman would have the same level of technology, and the same emphasis on stealth, which means you’d basically be fighting against yourself. Every time you’d try to sneak into the open you could be risking a owlarang to the head, any vent or ledge could possibly be a death trap. Maybe even disable detective vision, so you’d have to rely entirely on visual and audio cues to track your opponent down. It’d probably be a pain to do correctly, but if it was ever done correctly it would be fucking awesome.

I’d settle for a Owlman skin though.

3. The Ventriloquist

Ever since the days of Batman: The Animated Series, I’ve always had a soft spot for Arnold Wesker and Scarface, a.k.a. the Ventriloquist. A mild-mannered milquetoast completely dominated by his own puppet, a puppet that shows a surprising and deadly aptitude for criminal activity? It’s so completely comic book that I can’t help but love it, and even fear it, a bit. Even in a city populated by murderous clowns and crocodile men, I find the idea of the Ventriloquist very unsettling. Inhuman, I suppose you could say. Maybe I’ve seen a bit too much of the Twilight Zone. And that one episode of Tales from the Crypt with Bobcat Goldthwait.

Although Arnold Wesker has yet to appear in the Arkham series (admittedly I have only played the first two games), Scarface has made several appearances in the games, being used as the Joker’s toy in Asylum and appearing the Penguin’s gallery in City. However, in my opinion if Arkham Knight came and went and the Ventriloquist remained the equivalent of an easter egg. Yeah he’s a bit of a goofy character, but it couldn’t be any more ridiculous than the way they’ve handled Bane. Man, poor Bane.

In fact, the Ventriloquist might make for a interesting challenge when it came to predator maps. You have Wesker walking around the map, much like Two-Face and Harley in City, and you have to sneak around to take them out. However, in this case you’d have to take out Scarface to do real damage, and both Wesker and Scarface have fields of vision. Twice the challenge, twice the fun. Don’t ask me how Scarface can see things Wesker can’t, he’s a comic book character in a video game, roll with it.

2. Hush

Much like his childhood friend Bruce Wayne, Tommy Elliott was also the only son of a respected and wealthy family in Gotham. Unlike his childhood friend Bruce Wayne however, Elliot was a complete and utter sociopath who cut the brake lines to his parent's’ car in order to get his inheritance. When that plan failed (due to the efforts of Thomas Wayne, Bruce’s dad), Tommy blamed Bruce and, since this is comic books, became a supervillain in order to get his bloody revenge. As Hush, Elliot has come as close to killing the Batman as any other of his major rogues, including a infamously convoluted plan involving Poison Ivy and Superman that helped to poison discussions of the character for years to follow. For a ‘modern’ addition to the mythos goes he’s okay, has a decent enough backstory and a cool enough look to make him worth revisiting. Not as cool as the Ventriloquist of course, but still cool.

Technically speaking, Hush did make an appearance in Arkham City, and if you played the game and know the portion I’m talking about, you know it was almost entirely a potential sequel hook. Whether or not it was an actual sequel hook or a one-off thing I can’t say, but it does seem like it fits neatly into the all-out shitstorm that Arkham Knight is building up to, what with Scarecrow (and most likely Harley) trying to destroy Gotham. Of course they built up a lot of things in Arkham City, so it’s hard to say what all is on the drawing board. Maybe they can cut a hundred Riddler trophies or so to make sure they get some Hush. There’ll still be like 500 of them, it’ll be fine..

I don’t believe this series iteration is quite the physical and mental equal of Batman as he tends to be, but I imagine a Hush boss fight to occur much as I described the Owlman fight. Stuck in a room, trying to out-predator each other. Maybe add the caveat that your gadgets are disabled, forcing you to track Hush down and subdue him. There’s definitely potential there to make an interesting fight there, and if Hush does make an appearance in Arkham Knight, I hope they manage to do something worthy of the character.

1. Man-Bat

My love for Batman: The Animated Series might be rearing its head, that my number one choice on this list happened to appear in ‘On Leather Wings’, the pilot episode to that infamous cartoon. Although Batman’s rogues gallery is no stranger to the academic, they tend to lean towards the Frankenstein school of mad science. Kirk Langstrom, on the other hand, was more of a Jekyll; A man with a deep enough obsession with bats and a thorough enough knowledge of genetics that he turned himself into a gat-dam bat monster. His level of coherence in his transformed state, and whether he’s a victim or a villain (The Batman cartoon did a fairly interesting evil version of Langstrom, as I recall) tends to vary in Batman media, but whenever he appears, he tends to be a pretty deadly threat to the Dark Knight. Plus we get some hot Bat-on-Bat action, and who doesn’t love that.

Is it just me, or should Man-Bat have been in the Arkham series from the very beginning? When I was going through Arkham Asylum, and they introduced Penelope Young and the TITAN formula that turned people into giant video game monsters, the opinion I was left with was that this was the perfect opportunity to have introduced Kirk Langstrom and Man-Bat. The TITAN thing made sense, but it was also really...dumb. Dumb because they used the same ‘TITAN thug plus dudes’ setup way too often in Asylum, dumb because they made two of the boss fights in the game (including the final boss) this ‘TITAN thug plus dudes’ setup, thus cheapening the boss fights in a series that already has problems with boss fights, and dumb that something that produces ugly God of War monsters could have such far-reaching effects on the series. Just straight-up dumb, and for a comic book video game that’s certainly saying something.

I’m not saying that those problems with TITAN would have necessarily have been solved by using Langstrom, but I think it would have been a lot more palatable had that position been filled by a character from the comics. You could still have the mutated thugs, just have it be a side effect of the Man-Bat formula instead. Bane’s inclusion in Asylum would no longer make sense, but then he didn't really add much to that game in the first place, and could easily be replaced with some other boss. Wouldn’t it have been far more poetic (and darkly ironic, which is what matters to the Joker), if the Clown Prince of Crime was attempting to destroy Gotham with an army of bats, rather than generic thug monsters? Wouldn’t it have been far better if SPOILERS the final boss fight with Joker in Asylum and his subsequent death in City was because of him trying to become a bat-man to kill a Batman? SPOILERS Maybe Rocksteady suffered from the same Bat-embargoes that have affected far too many DC products over the years, which is why they didn’t use him, but the fact that Man-Bat doesn’t even get a riddle dedicated to him is a damn shame. You’re telling me Prometheus and Ratcatcher get a place in the Arkham universe but one of Batman's more well-known rogues (not A-tier, but definitely a solid B) gets the shaft? I hate to do it, but I have to call shenanigans on that. Include Man-Bat in some way Rocksteady, and we’ll see about removing it from your record.

I don’t know I’d like a Man-Bat boss fight to play out, but I definitely know a phase of it: fighting the beast as it flies across the map, hanging on for dear life as you try to find a way to stop Langstrom without killing both of you. I’m not sure what the best way of realizing that vision is, hopefully not with quick-time events, but then I’m not a dude who designs video games for a living. I’m just a guy who enjoys video games and comic books, and have have read and played enough to know the good from the bad. Arkham Knight will no doubt be a fun game, the culmination of a series that managed to emulate the feeling of being a superhero far better than any other games before or since, and when I finally get around to playing it I will probably enjoy it immensely. Add these five characters into the game though, and I might like it even more