The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2016: The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976), directed by Nicolas Roeg

I decided to spice things up a bit for the final 10, so from here to number 1 all the movies listed will be foreign films. By that I mean films not made in the United States, and of course preferably of the sci-fi/fantasy/thriller/horror genre.

The Trailer
and
The Appropriate Tune: "Starman", by David Bowie

     You know, I’m a huge fan of David Bowie. I love his genre experimentation, I think his fusion of theatre and avant-garde fashion into his music and performances helped push rock and pop to a level of artistry it had never reached before and rarely seen since, and from what I’ve read of him, he seemed like a charming and intelligent person. He wrote Mott the Hoople’s biggest hit, single handedly revived Iggy Pop’s career, performed with Queen, toured with Nine Inch Nails, and put out more amazing albums than most bands put out during their entire careers. So it makes sense that I would be interested to check out The Man Who Fell to Earth, the first feature-length film to star Bowie, and probably his most well-known role outside of his performance as the Goblin King in Labyrinth (and maybe Nikola Tesla in The Prestige, if anyone else has seen The Prestige). I mean, if the Criterion Collection felt it was worth adding it to their ranks, then it must be good, right?

     I wonder.

     Man, it has been a while since I’ve seen a movie that was so utterly, unavoidably and excruciatingly dull as The Man Who Fell to Earth. A movie that waits until an hour and a half in before it deigns to have anything slightly interesting happen, and then goes right back to doing nothing. A movie that seems primarily marketed to people who want to watch David Bowie drink things and watch television, since that’s the majority of what he does in this fucking thing. A movie that throws more boobs and bush (not to mention a couple dicks and asses) at you than an exploitation flick, in what I assume is a desperate ploy to keep people from wandering away from the screen. Which might work for a couple seconds, until it moves on to a scene where our protagonist does fuck all and it flies out the window. You know, there is such a thing as getting too close to real life.

     Yeah, I’m not really digging into critical analysis here (as if I was any good at that to begin with), not doing a plot summary and all that but it was such a tedious experience that I’m actually a bit pissed off. I mean you’ve got a movie where David Bowie plays a goddamn space alien, which is terms of casting is pretty spot on, and you have him do fucking NOTHING for 2+ hours. Sorry that’s not completely accurate, he drinks a metric fuckton of booze, screws a girl a couple times, watches TV and mumbles 99% of his lines. If this is supposed to be ripping Dostoevsky’s “The Idiot”, how good people are dragged down by the shit of the world or people are assholes or whatever statement it is that’s trying to be made, why make it so your protagonist has so little agency. Why should we give a shit about his goals or whether he achieves them when the protagonist doesn’t seem to give a shit? I’d almost say it’s nihilistic, but that’s giving this movie too much credit. Soylent Green was nihilistic, John Carpenter’s The Thing was nihilistic, The Man Who Fell to Earth is a test of the audience’s patience, and mine started to give way about 15 minutes in.

     It’s similar to the way I felt about Coffee & Cigarettes, back when I watched it so long ago. The acting is decent (Bowie has about one speed, but at least you’ve got Rip Torn in there), cinematography is fine, music’s fine, but I can’t help but wonder why I’m bothering to watch, because it doesn’t seem to be doing anything to engage me as a viewer. Coffee & Cigarettes seemed content to play around in it’s own little world, dropping it’s own little in jokes, and fuck you if you weren’t cool enough to get it, and that’s the same kind of impression I get from The Man Who Fell to Earth. So fuck me I guess, because if these are the types of movies I have to watch to gain cinema street cred, I’d rather stay out of the loop.

     Not recommended, which I think has become obvious. David Bowie’s discography is always recommended though. I’ve got a soft spot for Young Americans and Station to Station, personally.