In this day and age, we are all very well-acquainted with the idea of the ‘comic book movie’. Well, ‘superhero movie’, to be more precise. What with all the cinematic universes and television universes and netflix originals and all that shit, it’s easy to forget that comic books still exist, or that there are comics that aren’t about people in silly costumes punching each other in this world. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy a good cape book every now and again, but at some point I realized that the vast majority of discussion around superheroes weren’t about the comics themselves, or even about the heroes really. It was arguing over box office numbers and Rotten Tomato scores, and how everything was sexist or racist or rants about those darn ol’ SJWs and I just didn’t give a shit. Or I did to some extent, but not enough that I wanted to be subjected to that white noise of the same shit over and over. So I stopped, and don’t feel like I missed out on all that much.
Still, what with the enormous popularity of ‘CBM’s’, it’s a bit surprising that not many attempts have been made to capitalize on adapting manga for the Western market. There’s been a few obviously, Fist of the North Star (starring Malcolm McDowell for some reason) and Dragon Ball Evolution (starring the crushed dreams of anyone who was a young boy in the mid-to-late 90s) come to mind, and the Hollywood rumour mill always threatens us with a version of Cowboy Bebop with Keanu Reeves or an Akira that takes place in Vancouver, but rarely do these plans seem to come to fruition. Maybe the studio heads don’t want to put money into a property that hasn’t already been driven into the dirt, or maybe they’re afraid that the culture gap is too great and Western audiences wouldn’t be able to relate, I don’t know. Seems to me that if you’re so convinced that something won’t work that you don’t try then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, but then I’m not in the movie-making business. I’ve also seen a bit of Dragon Ball Evolution, so maybe it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie after all.
Moving on to The Guyver…
Based on the 1985 manga by Yoshiki Takaya, The Guyver (co-directed by Screaming Mad George and Steven Wang, they also did some of the monster designs), shares the basic premise of the source material but is otherwise it's own thang. In it, the film posits that thousands of years ago, aliens arrived on Earth in order to create the ultimate organic weapon, which happens to be man (suck it xenomorphs). Some humans found out about this alien influence however, and through genetic manipulation were able to produce the Zoanoids, humans with the ability to transform themselves into monstrous super-soldiers. The strongest of all the Zoanoids, the Zoalord, then established the Chronos Corporation, not only to hide their army under a public facade but also to research the bizarre alien relic known as the ‘Unit’. The only known device of its kind on Earth, it supposedly grants Zoanoids a great defensive power. In the hands of a human who can activate it however, it can transform them into a living weapon of unimaginable power. It transforms them into...The Guyver.
You find all this out in the first two minutes, by the way. Just felt like giving it here.
One dark night, Dr. Tetsu Segawa learns of the world-domination plans of the Chronos Corporation and decides to steal the Guyver unit and hand it over to Max Reid (Mark Hamill, of Mark Hamill fame), an agent of the CIA. Before he is murdered by the Zoalord’s goon squad Tetsu manages to hide the device, where it is ultimately discovered and activated by Shawn, the boyfriend of Tetsu’s daughter and grade-A whiny fuckboi. When the Zoalord decides to send in his goon squad to capture the daughter (I honestly never caught her name. Mizzki? Mitzi? Mizuki? Something like that), Shawn must master the abilities of his bio-boosted armor and eliminate the Zoanoid threat once and for all.
When you watch The Guyver, the first thing that comes to mind is that old Pizza Bagel commercial, you know the one. Not because there are any pizzas or bagels, but because of this pervasive air of ‘Hey kids! Isn’t this cool?!’ that permeates this film to the core. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II also came out in 1991, so you can’t help but think this is a case of The Guyver trying desperately to compete and just utterly failing to be in the same league You’ve got wacky sound effects, Scooby Doo-esque chase gags, motherfuckin’ Jimmie ‘J.J.’ Walker (what 90’s kid didn’t love Good Times?) doing his best impression of what white people thought rap was in those days, just...I don’t even know what to say about it. If I were a young boy at the time I might have eaten that shit up like it’s sherbert, but in the modern day it’s that right amount of awkward and unfunny that it’s actually not funny in an ironic sense. I’ll watch TMNT II any day of the week, invite a bunch of friends over, but if even one person came in and saw me watching The Guyver, I’d have to go chop woods or do taxes or something. Just to prove I’m still a man.
You want to make a movie that’s fun for the whole family to enjoy? Fine. The trouble is that Guyver is a seinen manga, meaning it’s geared towards adults, and the violence is at a level considered suitable for adults. Rather than dropping the kiddie and going for a teen-geared film or toning down the violence for the kiddies, The Guyver attempts to mesh the two into one cohesive whole, which ends up making it a surreal experience. In one scene you have Mark Hamill and Vivian Wu running from a goofy rat creature, and in another you have Guyver tearing himself out a monster’s stomach. Not to mention SPOILERS Reid’s transformation into a Zoanoid, otherwise known as the creepiest fucking thing outside of a John Carpenter movie SPOILERS. I’m not a parent, so I don’t give much of shit, but I can’t imagine Cronenbergian body horror is the selling point that will drive parents to get little Timmy a Guyver action figure for X-mas.
In The Guyver’s defense, the work that went into the design for this movie is worthy of praise. In an era where Tim Burton’s Batman was so rigid that he couldn’t turn his neck, the Guyver suit not only looked damn close to the source material, but offered a much greater degree of mobility, so fights could in fact look more flashy and complex than simple punches. The Zoanoids also look pretty top-notch, and a lot more diverse than you might expect a B-movie to attempt. I guess an emphasis on special effects is what you should expect when you get special effects guys in the director’s chair, but when it works out it works out.
The Guyver is a dumb movie, but unlike movies like Nightbreed, it doesn’t pretend it’s deeper than it is. So if you the type of person who doesn’t mind early 90s cheese movies like The Monster Squad or Super Mario Brothers: The Movie, or you’re not such a diehard Guyver fan that the idea of treating it like a joke sends you into fits of rage, then you’ll probably be okay. It’s not something you need to rush out and see, but if you ever need a movie to make fun of with your rifftrax buddies, keep it in your back pocket.
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