The Long Dark Marathon of the Soul 2017 - Tales From the Crypt (1972), directed by Freddie Francis

The Trailer

and

The Appropriate Tune: "On A Rope", by Rocket from the Crypt

     In the vast field that is horror-based anthology television shows, that are a lucky few that can be considered a step above the rest. There’s Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone, the gold standard, a sublime combination of talent and storytelling that has kept it in the public consciousness in the decades after it came out. For those with tastes more geared towards the speculative, The Outer Limits (both the original and the 90s reboot) provides plenty of chills, and arguably more consistent writing, in a delightful science fiction coating. It was also the first show to feature an adaptation of Harlan Ellison’s story “Soldier”, which James Cameron later ripped off in order to create his own science fiction classic The Terminator. Well, ‘ripped off’ is a little harsh, I don’t know the man after all, more like ‘featured almost entirely the same plot as Ellison’s story and got his ass sued because of it’. He did add Arnold though, so that’s a point for Cameron.

     There are a couple of others that have their moments, The Night Gallery, One Step Beyond, Tales from the Darkside, Ray Bradbury Theater, Channel Zero (I maintain that that first was more Silent Hill than the actual live action Silent Hill), but the only other ‘major’ horror anthology was Tales From the Crypt. First terrorizing HBO subscribers in the year of 1989, Tales From the Crypt was hosted by the ghoulish Crypt-Keeper, a dessicated corpse with a grating, high-pitched laugh, macabre tendencies, and an obsession with puns that bordered on the perverse. Over 7 seasons and several spin offs, the Crypt-Keeper shared many tales from his crypt, packed with popular celebrities in both acting and directing roles (HBO’s gotta spend your money somehow). Although these stories tended not to be particularly complex, many trended towards the classic morality story framework, but their love of gruesome visuals and morbid sense of humor was enough to grab a sizeable chunk of audience and a piece of the pop culture pie. In fact it’s still entertaining, check it out if you have the opportunity.

     Over a decade before we got the Tales from the Crypt tv show we got Tales from the Crypt (also based on the infamous EC Comics title of the same name) by Amicus, who were sort of the B-grade Hammer Films back in the day. In this version, rather than the Crypt-Keeper telling these stories, he has instead gathered a group of people who happened to be taking a tour of some catacombs, of various ages and occupations. Although seemingly unrelated, there is a thread of deceit, greed and yes, even murder, that runs through each of their souls. However, are these cautionary tales, of things that may yet come to pass, or are they something more sinister?

     There are 5 little segments in total; Some of which involve the supernatural, all of which involve murder, and are all based on a story from the Tales From the Crypt comic . There’s a nice little smattering of gore here and there, occasionally some special effects, but it doesn’t get much more visually gruesome than red paint blood and white sausage casing intestines. This was Amicus after all, the Mr. Pibb to Hammer’s Dr. Pepper, they had the spirit but no the budget. “And All Through the Night”, is a fun little Christmas themed murder romp, and proved popular enough to be adapted for the television show. “Reflections of Death” has a fun little twist, although it and “Wish You Were Here”, a literal rehashing of the classic short story “The Monkey’s Paw” seem a little too anemic on content to properly make the transition to the silver screen. Of the five, I’d say that I prefer “Poetic Justice”, in which a kind old man (played by horror legend Peter Cushing) is tormented by his rich neighbors, and “Blind Alley”, where a self-righteous head of a nursing home for the blind ends up on the receiving end of some Jigsaw-esque payback by his charges. Those two in particular I believe feature the biggest assholes and the most satisfying retribution, which hopefully doesn't sound as pornographic to you as it did in my head.

     When you get down to it, that’s what these stories are about: watching assholes be assholes and watching them get killed in violent ways. There’s nothing especially complex about these stories, no deep metaphors to ponder, just the base satisfaction that comes from seeing someone who we feel deserves punishment get punished. Specifically in very gruesome ways, which is exactly what made the original comics so popular and controversial back in the day. Does that mean that Tales From the Crypt is the most faithful comic book movie of all time, even more so than the George Lucas classic Howard the Duck? I think the argument could be made that it is, and it’s even working with five different stories with five different protagonists. What’s your excuse Batman V Superman?

     Those well-versed in the world of horror, and aware of its tendency towards style over substance, will likely find Tales From the Crypt an entertaining if not necessarily astounding film. Newcomers, on the other hand will likely find these little vignettes enjoyable and easily digestible, especially those familiar with The Twilight Zone, but those who are used to the special effects of modern movies will probably find the attempts at gore here primitive to the point of comedy. For the former, check this out if you’re done with Creepshow and Spirits of the Dead and wanted a way to ease into the Amicus filmography. For the latter, keep an open mind and check this out if you were interested in checking out one of the predecessors to VHS. Either way, just remember to treat people nicely and behave yourself. Or else.