It occurred to me recently that, despite all my love for giant monsters, I don’t think I ever actually grew up watching that many kaiju movies at all. Aside from America’s overall poor 1998 adaptation of Godzilla and I guess the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers movie, the strongest memory I have of giant monsters is of a film called Godzilla vs. Megalon. The story is a blur to me now, involving a subterranean race of people who worship a gigantic ugly stag beetle known as Megalon, which eventually teams up with Gigan to fight Godzilla and the Ultraman ripoff known as Jet Jaguar for some reason I don’t care to remember. The movie is pretty damn bad, so much so that it even received its own episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (you can also see the iconic scene of Godzilla somehow sliding on his tail in the opening credits as well). I’m not sure how I didn’t completely lose my kaiju fascination after watching that film so many times, but over a decade later the announcement for a new Godzilla movie next year has me over the damn moon. OVER. THE. MOON.
And what better way is there to follow a movie about giant robots than with a movie about giant monsters?
First appearing in the 1954 Japanese film Gojira (known to Americans as the re-edited Godzilla, King of the Monsters!, according to ye olde wikipedia), Godzilla was originally created to be a symbol representing the dangers of nuclear power. The film was a success, and Godzilla went on to star in over a dozen subsequent films, totally winning over that punk ass turtle Gamera in the process. Sometimes he destroyed Tokyo, other times he destroyed Tokyo while fighting another giant monster that was trying to destroy Tokyo, and there were several occasions where he teamed up with giant monsters to keep other giant monsters from destroying Tokyo. He’s had a son, he’s had a son, and he once beat up King Kong. With so many storylines and character changes, ol’ Gojira here more closely resembles a pro wrestler than he ever did an actual lizard.
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah brings the King of the Monsters back to his roots as a unstoppable force of destruction by making him about 100 times more dangerous than he ever was before. When the movie begins we are told that Godzilla has survived a ‘pure uranium fission’ type explosion, which I’m going to assume happened in the previous film, regenerating his body using the massive amounts of radiation as fuel. Unfortunately Godzilla absorbed too much radiation in the explosion, to the point that his body has become a dangerously unstable nuclear reactor. Every second that Godzilla is still alive is counting down towards his inevitable meltdown (which will annihilate the planet), and any attempt by Japanese forces to assault the monster risks causing a massive nuclear explosion (which won’t destroy the planet at least, but still a big fucking problem to all life on it). A pickle if I’ve ever seen one.
Mankind’s last hope lies in figuring out a way to somehow kill Godzilla in a way that doesn’t set off a nuclear, and lo and behold someone actually does in the form of ‘micro-oxygen’. Used offensively, the results mirror that of the awesomely named ‘oxygen destroyer’ created by Dr. Cerizawa to kill the original 1954 film (they actually show the scenes from Gojira in the movie itself, which I think is a nice touch). It seems like a dream come true, but what happens when some leftover oxygen destroyer residue from the 1954 incident mixes with some prehistoric shrimp somehow?
Hint: Destoroyah happens.
The Notorious G.O.D. has had several different designs over the course of his storied career, but hip 90’s Godzilla is easily the best looking version of the monster I’ve seen so far. The design team really succeed in making Godzilla look and feel like an actual monster again, as opposed to the tail-sliding dumbass from Godzilla vs. Megalon. The suit seems sleeker in this era as well, which would allow for better freedom of movement and more realistic movement, but when you have massive kaiju thunder-thighs no movement is all that free. Oh, and on top of everything, Godzilla is fucking GLOWING WITH NUCLEAR ENERGY HOT ENOUGH TO MELT THROUGH THE GODDAMN EARTH. That’s so badass it makes Schwarzenegger look like some Eurotrash nerd by comparison.
Not to be outdone, Destoroyah has rocks the mic with two powerful forms, conveniently named Destoroyah I and II. Version II looks exactly as Godzilla enemies should: A gigantic hellspawn with spikes jutting every which way but loose, that’s as big or bigger than Godzilla, and who could fuck up the world way worse if he won the final battle. Version I is a smaller, insectoid form, which seems to take several visual cues from the Alien franchise (small mouth hidden within larger mouth, anyone?). I prefer Destoroyah I, not only in terms of design, but because his smaller size allows him to terrorize human beings. Sure Godzilla and the kaiju destroy cities and the military all the time, but because you only ever see buildings and vehicles blowing up, it allows audiences to emotionally disconnect from the devastation. Here you have Destoroyah stalking and killing soldiers and citizenry directly, making us invested in the film’s non-huge characters. Also he moves about on wiggly puppet legs, which is just adorable.
The hardest part of any Godzilla movie, kaiju movies in general, is the ‘movie’ part of the movie (movie movie movie). In a good kaiju movie, the ‘human’ portion of the film engages the viewer and either builds up or else doesn’t hinder the monster combat portion that people paid money to see, a good example being Godzilla vs. Monster Zero as compared to Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster. Godzilla vs. Destoroyah, with it’s callbacks to Gojira and visual evidence of human peril, got me interested more interested in the characters and their fate much more than normally would, earning itself a ‘good kaiju story’ ribbon in my book. The book is a book of monsters, by the way.
If you have a friend who hates Godzilla for some reason, and you need to blow his socks off (with or without atomic fire), this would be a good place to turn. There’s some action, some horror, even a bit of tragedy mixed in for good measure. Not only does it touch upon Godzilla’s humble origins, it’s also a touching tribute to his then 40+ years on the big screen. Hail to the King, baby.
Result: Recommended if you like kaijus, sick flames, or scared Japanese people
Not Recommended if you hate rubber suits, monster fights, or happiness in general
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