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The Appropriate Tune - "The Blob", by The Five Blobs
Back in Lake Placid, I mentioned the popularity of the ‘giant X attacks humanity’ trope in film, but if I had to name a breakout star of the creature features, I might have to go with The Blob. It’s got that simple edge that other films lacked. No zoomed-in B-roll of bored animals, no expensive models or stop-motion, just some karob syrup, red food coloring and a dream. Also Steve McQueen was there, which might’ve helped out.
Then in the 80s, as all the old horror movies were going through the remake cycle, The Blob saw the light of day again. Which was also pretty good! Not as charming as the original obviously, but it did up the gore factor, so you could see The Blob melting people alive just as the Founding Fathers intended. And for a while I thought that was it, but it turns out between the original Blob and the 80s remake Blob, there were actually even more Blobs roaming about. So I picked one, and we’ll see if the premise truly is evergreen.
In Beware! The Blob, Gwynne Gilford stars as Lisa Clark, a woman who has had the unfortunate distinction of walking in on a Blob eating a guy. Of course no one believes her at first, because the Blob is obviously super intelligent and knows exactly when and how to avoid detection. By the time it can’t avoid detection, however, is when it’s far too late. Gather your forces folks, it’s time to fight an intergalactic paramecium.
Man, this movie kind of sucks. Just about everything you see in the bottom of the 70s movie barrel can be found in here. Music that feels like it fell out of the ass of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon library, scenes that go on about 15 seconds longer than they should’ve, hippies, attempts at comedy that someone, somehow must have thought was funny at some point, and attempts at acting that are funnier than the comedy. It’s hard to even enjoy the chilling parts of the movie, because the parts surrounding it are goofy. Not charming, like the original Blob, but goofy. The kind that just makes you feel pissed off when you watch it.
The only thing that’s worth mentioning is that there’s a cameo from Burgess Meredith as a homeless man. I like Burgess Meredith, so that’s about 4 to 5 minutes in 90 minutes that was a step above the rest.
Man, this one put in a bad mood. It’s even hard to enjoy the various camera tricks they use with the slime, because it started me off on the wrong foot and I never recovered. Could be another Ring situation when I reevaluate it in the future, but right now I’m not feeling it. Watch the original Blob, or the remake if you’re more of a gorehound, and then if you’re somehow not Blobbed out, then go for this one.
STATUS: NOT RECOMMENDED
