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Out of all the monsters on this list, all the aliens and zombies and lovecraftian horrors, there is one creature who stands above them all as the absolute king of the creeps: Dracula. Often based on the historical figure Vlad III or ‘Vlad the Impaler’, the infamously brutal ruler of Wallachia in what is now known as Romania, the king of the shadows first appeared as the antagonist in Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula. Even though Stoker’s novel was not the first to feature vampires, nor was it all that successful when it was released, Dracula has gone on to become of the most significant pieces of horror literature of all time, and the Count has been propelled into pop culture stardom. And all without sparkling in the sun like some kind of asshole.
Although the Dracula novel is obviously quite important, there’s no doubt that a lot of the popularity for the character came through film. The 1931 Universal Dracula starring Bela Lugosi is by far the most iconic form of the famous vampire with the 1958 Hammer Films Dracula starring Christopher Lee coming close behind, and he’s been in hundreds of movies ever since, including one that came out recently known as Dracula Untold, which has been rumoured to be the beginning of a monster equivalent of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (not sure how that would work, but whatever). With all these movies, there are so many different iterations of Dracula that films that address the original story are probably in the minority. So in the spirit of Halloween, I’ve decided to honor everyone’s favorite corpse by making the last film on my Long Dark Marathon of the Soul one all about Count Dracula. Because why the hell not?
Directed by Werner Herzog (Fitzcarraldo, Grizzly Man), Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht comprises the entirety of Herzog’s feature-length foray into the horror genre. Though several things are altered from the original book (the film takes places in Wismar, Germany rather than London, Harker’s wife is now Lucy rather Mina and there are no ‘Brides’), the basic premise is the same: Jonathan Harker is sent by his employer to Transylvania to meet one Count Dracula (Herzog regular Klaus Kinski, whose design in the film closely resembles that of Max Schreck in the 1922 silent film Nosferatu), who is looking to purchase a house in the area. While there, Jon and Dracula have several incredibly awkward conversations about the night and the inevitable passage of time, and Jon suspects that this deathly pale man with long claws and a bat face might in fact be das vampyr. Jon’s suspicion turns to fear when Dracula discovers a picture of Lucy and becomes enraptured by her beauty, which is not the kind of attitude you want for a guy who lives next to your wife. He tries to escape but fails, and Dracula makes his way to Wismar. How will Lucy and Jon contend with the forces at the night nipping at their heels? Will Dracula feast upon the blood of the living? That’s for fate to decide.
There are some interesting twists to the Dracula story here in Phantom der Nacht. Kinski’s portrayal of the vampire as a monstrous, miserable wretch rather than a suave seductor is a nice change of pace. Vampirism is supposed to be a horrible curse after all, not ‘free super powers and immortality at the cost of a tan’, and if people wanted to bang corpses so much they should go to the morgue. I also found that it interesting that about halfway through the movie Lucy becomes the protagonist, rather than Jon. Lucy is the one that Dracula wants to bang after all, so if anyone would have an issue here it would be her, but it’s a nice change of pace when you see the woman in a vampire movie that isn’t a damsel in distress or a vampire herself. Definitely one of the more dour movies on the list, and I can’t tell if it’s because of all the dead people or because it’s directed by Werner Herzog. Probably Herzog.
Are you a big vampire fan? Do you have an unhealthy obsession with Germany or the German people? Then why not put on Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht on your television/computer screen this Halloween. It won’t make you scream in fright, but it will make you have long bouts of introspection on the nature of life and love, and isn’t exploring one’s feelings something which all men fear?
There you have it, 31 movies that I watched this October, and perhaps some you might want to watch as well. For those who did read through all this crap, I hope you found some movies that you really enjoy. For those who didn’t, it’s pretty weird that you would read the last paragraph in a multi-page list and skip the list itself. But before we go, there were a couple of films I tried out for the marathon, but they were just too damn bad to go the next round:
The Hills Have Eyes (1977), directed by Wes Craven
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre earned its place in horror movie history for its incredibly visual imagery and disturbing atmosphere, so it’s only natural that the crop of imitation films that came after it would try and copy that. Films like The Hills Have Eyes, which replaces a backwoods hick family with a backwoods hick family, essentially a lateral change, and still manages to fuck it up. No likable characters on either side, crappy story, unimpressive action, and a dog with a higher body count than the murderous hillbillies. Good thing Craven went on to do Nightmare on Elm Street, because sitting through this crap was a chore.
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah (1991), directed by Kazuki Ohmori
I love Godzilla. I’ve loved Godzilla ever since I was a kid. I own almost every Godzilla movie (including the ‘98 Tristar film), I’ve watched the animated series, read the comics, played the video games, owned the action figures, etc. etc. I got that Godzilla shit on lock down. But HOLY SHIT is this movie a pain in the ass. Getting to see the 90’s badass Godzilla fight his greatest enemy? Awesome. Sitting through the hour or so of confusing time travel bullshit that makes no fucking sense at any point to get to that fight? Not awesome and frankly not worth the effort for those few minutes of greatness. There are better Godzilla movies out there.
Flesh for Frankenstein (1972), directed by Paul Morrissey
Produced by famous artist Andy ‘Soup Can’ Warhol, Flesh for Frankenstein is the shitty movie that high-minded art snobs have been waiting for. In the film, Baron Frankenstein is a fascistic Czech nationalist living with his sexpot sister/wife (who looks like a goddamn lizard person) and his two creepy mute kids in some castle presumably in Czechoslovakia. Frankenstein is an ardent believer in the idea that pure Czechs a descendent from the Ancient Greeks, and he plans to use his power to create a master race that will eventually dominate the world (sound familiar?). Bad acting, bad accents, unlikable characters, and Frankenstein fucks a corpse in the gallbladder. No amount of ultraviolence can stop this shambling trainwreck of a movie from pulling in to shit station, and good fucking riddance to bad rubbish.
Happy Halloween!
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