In the world of theater, there are few names as influential as that of William Shakespeare. Poet, wordsmith, playwright par excellence, Shakespeare is responsible for some of the seminal written works not only of the English language, but of the entirety of recorded history. Hamlet, Julius Caesar, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Macbeth, pieces of art that have survived the test of time, reproduced, replayed and reinterpreted thousands of time since they were written, and on and on for the foreseeable future. Name drop Tennessee Williams or Goethe to the average man on the street and all you’re gonna get is a blank stare, but they even catch a glimpse of a skull and the first thing on their lips is gonna be ‘alas, poor yorick’. That’s the power of Shakespeare, baby.
By contrast, there are few names in the world of film that are less influential than that of Troma. Established in the 1970s by founders Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman as a truly independent movie distribution company, one that shunned Hollywood in favor of artistic freedom, Troma almost immediately became known less for being an alternate avenue for aspiring filmmakers and more for being purveyors of...well, let’s say shit. Generally movies that, due to lacking the funds, writing, acting, and pretty much everything else that Hollywood has, instead spend their time on cartoonish violence, gratuitous nudity and yawn-inducing shock jock style offensive humor. That’s not to say I’ve never seen a good movie with the Troma label (looking at you, Cannibal! The Musical) , or that I don’t support their mission, but some of the worst fucking movies I’ve ever seen are also part of the Troma family (looking at you, Dr. Fugazzi), and on the whole you’re probably going to find a lot more turds than you do hidden gems. They’re better than those tools who put out ‘Transmorphers’ and ‘Atlantic Rim’, at the very least.
Thus it was inevitable that these two meet.
Directed by Lloyd Kaufman and written by James Gunn, who you might remember from Slither or some movies you’ve never heard of about a talking tree or something, Tromeo And Juliet is obviously based on Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the classic tale of two teenagers who fall in love at first sight, despite their families being locked in a bitter and bloody rivalry, which ultimately ends in tragedy. At least that’s generally how the story goes, but after infected by the touch of Troma things end up a little bit different. The Montagues is now the Que family, headed by the inebriated and flatulent disgraced porno director Monty Que, Lord Capulet is a sadistic wife beater and attempted rapist with an explosive crossbow, Juliet’s Nurse is now Ness, a chick with a thing for lip piercings and fish tacos, and Tybalt/Tyrone carries a walking stick with Hitler’s face on it. Oh and the Chorus has been replaced by Leemy fuckin’ Kilmister of Motorhead (they also provided a song for the soundtrack), who seems to be almost but not quite interested in what’s actually saying. Throw in a fart noise every now and then and you’ve got yourself a movie, apparently.
Normally when I cover movies I end up feeling bad if the article is too short, because it feels like I’m shortchanging you readers or not adequately defining my opinion, but I just can’t find much to say about this one. It’s a movie that sort of follows the story of Romeo and Juliet with a bunch of shit in so it can seem ‘over-the-top’ and ‘outrageous’, but ultimately comes as desperate and tedious. Does the film need a close-up shot of someone getting a nipple piercing? How about a softcore porn scene between Juliet and Ness with intermittent cuts of Tromeo having the saddest wank session ever seen to some late 90’s porno games? Where would the audience be without that side-splitting ‘Friar John is a child molester’ joke? I mean no one has ever made a joke about Catholic priests molesting children before, so Tromeo And Juliet is really treading new ground here. Move aside Will Ferrell, here’s the new face of comedy.
Not to disparage Lloyd and James, because I’m sure they’re long past giving a shit about this movie, but I think there’s an important thing to note here: Sometimes, less is indeed more. I know that this is Troma, so you’re encouraged to throw as much shit at the wall as possible, but TAJ does it so often with no real cooling off period that I burned out long before the halfway point. Also, in case the above implication wasn’t clear, this movie just isn’t funny. Maybe if this was my first Troma movie ever this maelstrom of boobs and fake blood would seem like a novelty, like screwball 80s comedies taken to its logical conclusion, but once you’ve seen more than one you realize pretty much all they have. Aside from a scant couple moments where they play around with the play’s dialogue and a phone sex scene I didn't even come to anything beyond a smirk this the whole thing, and you can blame the internet or adult swim for desensitizing me to this kind of thing, but I’m telling you straight from the heart that it’s just stupid. Yes, stupid things can be funny, often are funny, but it takes a firm hand to keep stupid from drifting from ‘funny’ into ‘annoying’. By the time Tromeo And Juliet whips out the bull penis, it’s already smashed into the guardrail.
The Lemmy cameo is fun, the music is pretty good, but Tromeo And Juliet just doesn’t do it for me. Could be that I’m just an old stick in the mud though, so feel free to check it out yourself. Hell, if you’re looking to make your night a Troma night, I’ll throw in a few recs for Cannibal! The Musical, The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke’em High and Story of A Junkie. Just make sure that no one in the room is lactose intolerant, because there’s going to be a lot of cheese. Cheese and exposed breasts, which I wouldn’t be surprised to discover is the name of a Troma franchise.
Directed by Lloyd Kaufman and written by James Gunn, who you might remember from Slither or some movies you’ve never heard of about a talking tree or something, Tromeo And Juliet is obviously based on Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the classic tale of two teenagers who fall in love at first sight, despite their families being locked in a bitter and bloody rivalry, which ultimately ends in tragedy. At least that’s generally how the story goes, but after infected by the touch of Troma things end up a little bit different. The Montagues is now the Que family, headed by the inebriated and flatulent disgraced porno director Monty Que, Lord Capulet is a sadistic wife beater and attempted rapist with an explosive crossbow, Juliet’s Nurse is now Ness, a chick with a thing for lip piercings and fish tacos, and Tybalt/Tyrone carries a walking stick with Hitler’s face on it. Oh and the Chorus has been replaced by Leemy fuckin’ Kilmister of Motorhead (they also provided a song for the soundtrack), who seems to be almost but not quite interested in what’s actually saying. Throw in a fart noise every now and then and you’ve got yourself a movie, apparently.
Normally when I cover movies I end up feeling bad if the article is too short, because it feels like I’m shortchanging you readers or not adequately defining my opinion, but I just can’t find much to say about this one. It’s a movie that sort of follows the story of Romeo and Juliet with a bunch of shit in so it can seem ‘over-the-top’ and ‘outrageous’, but ultimately comes as desperate and tedious. Does the film need a close-up shot of someone getting a nipple piercing? How about a softcore porn scene between Juliet and Ness with intermittent cuts of Tromeo having the saddest wank session ever seen to some late 90’s porno games? Where would the audience be without that side-splitting ‘Friar John is a child molester’ joke? I mean no one has ever made a joke about Catholic priests molesting children before, so Tromeo And Juliet is really treading new ground here. Move aside Will Ferrell, here’s the new face of comedy.
Not to disparage Lloyd and James, because I’m sure they’re long past giving a shit about this movie, but I think there’s an important thing to note here: Sometimes, less is indeed more. I know that this is Troma, so you’re encouraged to throw as much shit at the wall as possible, but TAJ does it so often with no real cooling off period that I burned out long before the halfway point. Also, in case the above implication wasn’t clear, this movie just isn’t funny. Maybe if this was my first Troma movie ever this maelstrom of boobs and fake blood would seem like a novelty, like screwball 80s comedies taken to its logical conclusion, but once you’ve seen more than one you realize pretty much all they have. Aside from a scant couple moments where they play around with the play’s dialogue and a phone sex scene I didn't even come to anything beyond a smirk this the whole thing, and you can blame the internet or adult swim for desensitizing me to this kind of thing, but I’m telling you straight from the heart that it’s just stupid. Yes, stupid things can be funny, often are funny, but it takes a firm hand to keep stupid from drifting from ‘funny’ into ‘annoying’. By the time Tromeo And Juliet whips out the bull penis, it’s already smashed into the guardrail.
The Lemmy cameo is fun, the music is pretty good, but Tromeo And Juliet just doesn’t do it for me. Could be that I’m just an old stick in the mud though, so feel free to check it out yourself. Hell, if you’re looking to make your night a Troma night, I’ll throw in a few recs for Cannibal! The Musical, The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke’em High and Story of A Junkie. Just make sure that no one in the room is lactose intolerant, because there’s going to be a lot of cheese. Cheese and exposed breasts, which I wouldn’t be surprised to discover is the name of a Troma franchise.
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